It's perfectly reasonable for parents to be concerned about their children's safety—and modern technology gives them a variety of opportunities in this field. But it's one thing when your kid is still very small, and you want them to be able to sound an alarm for you at all times. It's quite another thing when your child is almost an adult.
The user u/Expensive_Peanut9270, the author of our story today, and his 17-year-old daughter had to deal with this kind of attitude from the girl's mother, who secretly tried to track her every move. Oh yeah, and the icing on the cake—the mother hasn't been her custodial parent for years!
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is divorced from his ex-wife, mainly because of her extreme obsession with tracking him
Image credits: oigafeo / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man got full custody of their now-17YO daughter and she lives with him
Image credits: Expensive_Peanut9270
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the mom now has the same obsession with tracking the girl's location and moves
Image credits: Expensive_Peanut9270
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She even gifted the teen a new phone with pre-installed tracking software
Image credits: Expensive_Peanut9270
The dad didn't object—he just bought the daughter another phone—and now faces his ex's numerous accusations of being "neglectful"
The Original poster (OP) says that he and his ex-wife have a 17-year-old daughter named Anna. The girl lives with her dad because he got full custody during the divorce. The man recalls that perhaps the main reason for their divorce was the woman's literal obsession with knowing the details of everything.
The guy says that she literally demanded that the husband check in every 10 minutes, otherwise, she would immediately call the cops. However, after the divorce, the situation didn’t change—only the object of her obsession became her daughter. Every time the girl would go to her mom, she tormented her with similar demands and surveillance.
About a year ago, Anna's phone broke, and her mother gave her a new one. The father didn’t mind—but then it turned out that the phone had pre-installed tracking software that allowed the woman to track her daughter's movements. And every time Mom saw that she left her dad's house, she immediately began to call her with reproaches.
The OP is perhaps not a very conflict-prone person, so he simply bought his daughter another phone—and the first one would always be at his house without arousing unnecessary suspicions in the mother. And everything went well for several months—until Anna finally ran into her mom at the store, and she figured out what had happened.
Now, our hero is again being reproached by his ex since she directly accuses him of neglecting the safety and health of their daughter. And according to the father himself, this is nothing more than an overreaction. So the man decided to ask people's opinions online about how right he actually was in the situation.
Image credits: milanmarkovic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Well, the question of parents tracking kids' locations is quite controversial nowadays. For example, many experts are pretty much sure that this, especially when it comes to teenagers, is a serious violation of their privacy.
"GPS tracking may be justified for very young children where genuine safety concerns exist, such as for children who may get lost or be vulnerable in public spaces," says Lydia Shelly, NSW Council for Civil Liberties (Australia). "By adolescence, children should have the right to make decisions about their personal privacy, and the use of tracking devices should require their clear and informed consent."
In any case, experts believe that parents should talk openly with their children about the possible installation of tracking software on their phones and try to clearly explain their motives. And if the teenager flatly refuses, then the choice belongs to the child.
"Have an honest conversation with your teen about setting some basic rules and boundaries to keep them safe. Explain that you want to build trust, so you'll only be checking in on occasion, not constantly monitoring them," a dedicated post on Paradigm Treatment advises parents. "Use phone location or vehicle GPS tracking only when needed due to risky circumstances."
And yet, this is clearly not the case described in our story. Firstly, Anna's mother is not her legal guardian. Secondly, the girl is already 17 years old, and she is clearly against such an attitude toward her. So most people in the comments on the original post also spoke out in support of the dad, calling the behavior of his ex-wife "plain invasive."
In addition, the responders strongly recommended the author advise his wife to undergo a course of therapy. To this, the man replied that when they were together, he asked her to meet a psychoanalyst, but she didn’t consider her behavior to be beyond the bounds of normality. However, according to some commenters, the woman clearly has some mental issues.
Be that as it may, people massively supported the author in his decision to stick up for his daughter. "You're the custodial parent who made a parenting decision"—this was probably the wisest comment from netizens. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point of view? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
People in the comments unanimously sided with the man, claiming that he was 100% right, while saying that his ex probably has some mental issues
