Having high self-esteem is an important thing in today's world. Yet, there are also many things that make a person lose it. And the most hurtful is when this loss comes from a person that, theoretically, it shouldn't come from.
Like in today's story, where a mother always kept critiquing her teen daughter's appearance and making her feel awful. At one point, the situation got so bad that her husband understood that he no longer wanted to be married to such a nasty person.
While, theoretically, parents are supposed to be the ones who see the good in their children, it's sadly not always the case
Image credits: George Milton (not the actual photo)
One day, the author's 17-year-old daughter brought pictures of her and her grade from school
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The dad didn't shy away from complimenting how she looked, but the mom started pointing out all her flaws
Image credits: u/confuseddad__
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)
She also said that her classmate was prettier than she was, which angered her husband, and he called her out for such hurtful words
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Later, he also found out that the daughter had overheard the mother trash-talking her to her church friends, which made her feel very bad
Image credits: u/confuseddad__
He once again confronted the wife, and this conversation marked the end of 15 years of marriage
Today’s couple has been married for about 15 years. They also have a 17-year-old daughter, a junior in high school.
One day, their daughter, who was dubbed Hayoung in the story, brought fresh school pictures of her and her grade. This custom dates back to the 20th century. Back in the day, photography equipment was very costly. And so, school photography used to offer parents the opportunity to enjoy portraits of their children at an affordable price.
Nowadays, despite having cameras in our pockets, people quite rarely take professional photos. So, even today, school portraits let parents enjoy quality pictures of their children. Additionally, these pics give parents a chance to witness how their children are growing over the years while being in the same uniform.
So, when the OP’s daughter brought her school pictures, he not only complimented how beautiful she looked but also commented how proud he was to see her grow each year. Sadly, the reaction from her mother was drastically different.
The second she saw the photos, the woman pointed out that the girl was looking "too downward" at the camera and that her eyes looked too strained. Then, the mother added that the daughter should rehearse for pictures because she doesn’t know how to look beautiful.
If that wasn’t harsh enough, the woman concluded that the girl’s picture was a fail and her classmate looked way prettier. Ouch! After these comments, Hayoung herself said the picture was worse than the one from the year before. Witnessing his daughter’s self-esteem shatter in front of his eyes angered the dad.
He argued with his wife, telling her she shouldn’t have critiqued their daughter so much, especially since it wasn’t even the first time she had done it. She justified her words, saying even the girl herself didn’t like the pictures, so it wasn’t a big deal. Then, she left the living room crying. This made the OP question whether calling out his wife like that was the right move.
People online reassured him that he did the right thing. It’s important to stand up to someone being bullied, and sadly, in this case, the bully was the girl’s mother.
Image credits: Any Lane (not the actual photo)
After some time, the dad posted an update about the whole situation. It turns out the situation was even worse than it seemed at first. Apparently, the daughter had overheard her mother shaming her to other church moms. For example, she talked about how she gained weight and didn’t study hard.
You can imagine how hurtful it must be to hear your own mother think and say such things about you to others. Furthermore, this not only hurts in the moment, but it can also have long-term negative consequences. For instance, research revealed that children whose mothers are highly critical of them had impaired brain activity when it came to response to rewards and losses.
To be more specific, these children’s neural reactions to gains are blunted, and they are magnified to losses. Eventually, this impacts their self-esteem issues and negative self-image, which continues into adulthood.
These negative consequences were already starting to show for Hayoung. When her dad prepared her food, the teen was hesitant to eat at first, but she ate way more than when her mother was around. No wonder the dad worried about her developing an eating disorder.
Eating disorders can harm a person’s digestive system, teeth, and heart and lead to other diseases, including mental ones. So, the dad’s worries about his daughter are completely justified – no proper parent wishes harm on their kid.
Later, the OP had a talk with his wife about Hayoung's concerns. One thing led to another and the man ended up asking his wife for a divorce. He no longer wanted to put up with her belittling both him and their daughter. While it hurts to end a long marriage this way, his daughter is a priority.
While divorce is always sad, maybe in this case, it is for the best. After all, putting up with someone who constantly puts everyone around them down isn’t a healthy thing to have in your home. And now, with the help of a loving dad, hopefully, the girl will be able to gain more self-esteem.
People online praised the man for standing up for his daughter, even when it meant that he had to lose a person he spent so many years with
