Daughter Tells Mom Her Birthday Party Starts An Hour Earlier Because She’s Always Late, Drama Ensues

Being punctual is about respecting other people’s time. Unfortunately, not everyone does it. We’re sure that many of you Pandas are going to relate to this—quite a few of us have at least one person we know who is late all the friggin’ time. You know who they are because their face instantly popped into your mind. No matter how much you beg them to be punctual, no matter how much they promise to change their ways, they simply go back to their old ways.

At some point in time, you probably considered telling someone to show up earlier than you plan to meet them because you know for a fact that they’ll be late either way. Well, someone did just that. Redditor u/punctualgirly opened up to the AITA online community how she gave her mom the wrong start time for her birthday lunch because she would always be late to every single event. Though, things didn’t work out quite right. Read on for the full story.

The redditor explained how her mom has been running late to absolutely every single event, get-together, and family occasion. Her theory, at first, was that she was simply bad with time. However, since then, she believes that her mother genuinely “likes making an entrance.” After all, if you’re the only one arriving late, everyone’s waiting for you and talking about you.

Not only that, you can control the crowd by bursting in whenever you want to—you create an image that you’re incredibly busy with incredibly important events, but you’ve spared a moment for your dear loved ones. Of course, far from everyone is a fan of someone treating them as though they’re not important enough. It’s a tad rude. It can be quite embarrassing. And it creates tension between family members and friends when, instead, you could have all spent some quality time together.

Not only that, but by ignoring social conventions, you create an image of someone who is wild, chaotic, and untrustworthy, and who thinks that rules are beneath them. Far from the image of nonchalance and free-spiritedness that might have been your intent. It’s not ‘cool’ to be late if, by the time you deign to arrive, your guests are already packing up to leave.

However, even though u/punctualgirly told her mom to arrive an hour earlier than her birthday lunch was to start, the woman still ended up showing up two and a half hours later than the fake start. That’s because the OP’s aunt told her mom about the right start time of the party. Even though the plan didn’t work, the redditor set some very clear boundaries with her mom: the world doesn’t revolve around her, and being late won’t be excused.

Some of us may or may not have followed in the OP’s footsteps ourselves. We may have told our less-than-punctual friends that they’re to show up an hour or two earlier than they really should have. Because, after dozens of times being proven wrong, you have to adapt. They might otherwise be absolutely lovely people, but gosh darn do we hate waiting for someone who doesn’t even bother to even come up with a proper excuse.

At the end of the day, everyone’s time is valuable, so we shouldn’t waste it glancing at our watches and huffing and puffing at our phones so much. If this were a workplace setting, then it would be quite straightforward to deal with the issue. You ensure that the rules regarding punctuality are clear so that everyone’s on the same page. Everyone needs to know what’s expected of them. Everyone needs to know how they’ll be disciplined if they break the rules.

Then, as a manager, it’s your job to talk to your employees about their behavior if those rules get bent and broken. ‘Natural HR’ suggests keeping records of when your coworkers are late so that you have irrefutable evidence and don’t rely just on your opinion. Then, when you do schedule a meeting with them, do your best to remain calm and avoid making it personal.

Ask them for their side of the story. You never know, they might be dealing with some serious personal or medical problems. Try to support them if that’s the case. Otherwise, clarify the company’s policy if they’re being late just because they don’t feel like showing up on time. It’s also essential that you reward improvements. So if your chronically late employee starts respecting the company and their colleagues more by showing up on time (or, you know, being late less often), recognize their small achievements.

Of course, when it comes to parties, family members, and friends, it’s much harder to demand punctuality from them because they’re not being paid for their time. We assume that they’ll show up because the activity is fun (birthdays, weddings, fun dinner parties, etc.) and because they respect us as people.

According to ‘Evite,’ the general rule of thumb for parties is to arrive within 15 minutes of the starting time. If you see that you’ll be running late, don’t be shy and keep your host in the loop, instead of wondering why they’re sitting all alone in front of the twelve-course meal they’d been slaving over the past few hours.

If the party is a much bigger celebration, say a massive New Year’s get-together, you have a lot more flexibility about when to show up. It’ll depend a lot on the people who are at the party, and how well you know them. And it goes without saying, be punctual for weddings—whether they’re your own or your loved ones’.

If you feel like you’re constantly being disrespected by people who don’t seem to care about Time as a concept, it’s time to enforce some healthy boundaries. Sit down with the person and explain to them how their being late all the time makes you feel and how you expect them to have the same respect for you as you do for them.

Hear them out, don’t attack them (someone who’s defensive won’t look for compromises), and then see where that goes. If a conversation or two don’t help, it’s time to draw a line in the sand. Consider not inviting them to events and functions anymore. If they arrive late (yet again!), call them out for it publicly. Or, for the fun of it, tell them that the party’s starting at an entirely different time than it really is!