A mother lending her wedding dress for her child to wear at their wedding is surely a very nice gesture. At the same time, it's important to be mindful when making such promises, as while the dress is likely in a way sentimental for both of you, the way you want to realize these sentiments can differ. For example, the mom might want to preserve the dress the way it is, while the child wants to alter it drastically. And yes, we're talking about the real case which is our story today.
More info: Reddit
When making promises about lending the things you value a lot, you have to be careful, as such promises can lead to quite tense situations
Image credits: Jayson Hinrichsen (not the actual photo)
The mom promised the daughter her wedding dress, but when it came time for her big day, the mother didn't feel like giving it up
Image credits: Gustavo Santana (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Comfortable_Love8350
And it's all due to the daughter wanting to drastically alter the dress to fit her masculine style, which causes the mother to look homophobic in the family's eyes
The post’s author’s daughter is getting married to her girlfriend this year. Ever since the daughter was little, she and her mom always talked about her future wedding. She loved watching videos of her parents getting married. And so, when she was 13, her mom promised to lend her wedding dress for her wedding.
Now, when the wedding is approaching, they have encountered a slight problem - her daughter's style is more masculine and she’s not the biggest wearer of dresses. And so, the woman decided that for her wedding, she wanted to alter mom’s dress - to cut off the skirt and wear only the bodice with pants.
At first, mom agreed to it, as she had promised to lend the daughter her dress. But then, she decided to take away her promise, as she didn’t want the dress to be ruined. Instead of giving the dress up for altering, the mother offered other options - giving it to the daughter's bride or going dress shopping. But none of them pleases the daughter - she still wants mom’s dress, as it’s her connection to her late dad.
Also, apparently, some family members think that the OP isn’t giving her dress to alter just because she’s trying to stop her daughter from dressing masculine. So, the woman came to Reddit to ask whether she’s a jerk - after all, she promised to lend a dress and now is not giving it up, as she didn’t intend it to be altered so drastically.
And, well, people online have quite varying answers to her question. Some stated that the OP isn’t the jerk her family makes her out to be. According to them, it’s her dress, which holds sentimental value of her late husband, so she’s right to not want it altered drastically.
On the other hand, other people called her out for letting an object such as a wedding dress ruin her relationship with her daughter. Or for being homophobic - these people, just like family members in the story, explained that her not agreeing with the dress alterations is a realization of her not wanting her daughter to be masculine and justifying it by telling her she doesn’t want to “ruin” a dress.
Image credits: Raphael Renter | @raphi_rawr (not the actual photo)
Let’s be honest - all of these reactions seem justified, at least from what we have learned from the story. Either way, it’s all surrounding the dress that was kept and promised to the child of the bride.
But what about those cases when the bride doesn’t want to keep the dress that she bought for her wedding? Actually, many things could be done with it, ranging from slightly unhinged to charitable.
For instance, a bride can host a “trash the dress” photoshoot, during which, just as the name suggests, the dress is trashed. It can include various activities from paintballing, mud fighting, or walking into the sea - anything you can imagine.
Other ways to use the dress can be to turn it into a costume for Halloween, get it tailored for other kinds of events, or simply donate it to charity, so some bride in need can use it.
Yet, wedding dresses hold quite a lot of sentimental value for the bride, so it’s no surprise that many of them choose just to keep them afterward. Just like the mother from the story - she has quite a lot of emotions related to the dress, so it’s understandable why she doesn’t want it altered in a way that it would be basically unrecognizable later.
At the same time, the daughter has sentiments, such as bonding with her mom and honoring her late dad tied to the dress too, so her wanting it to adapt to her style is understandable as well. I guess it’s quite hard to pinpoint who’s the jerk here, at least with the context we have from the story, right? After all, everyone, in a way, is right to feel how they do.
People online had varying opinions on the situation - some agreed with the mother about not wanting to alter the sentimental object, while others called the mother homophobic
