"Remodel Our Back Yard": Mom Begs Guests To Not Bring Any Gifts For Her Daughter's 1st Birthday

Some parents love throwing their kids a birthday party, but there is a point where one might start to ask if the child in question is so young that this entire thing is actually for the adult. As it so often is the case, people online have very strong opinions on how others choose to parent.

A mom ended up going viral on TikTok after she decided to throw a less-than-traditional birthday for her one-year-old. This included an itinerary mostly for the parents and a request for cash donations in lieu of presents. We reached out to Rachel via email and will update the article when she gets back to us.
More info: TikTok

"Here's a list of things I'm doing for my daughter's first birthday party that I didn't do for my son's first birthday party, that are just a little bit not normal first birthday party things to be doing."

"Number one - it's at 9:30am. It's only an hour and a half long. I literally put 9:30am to 11am on the invitation. I want you all to know, I don't want you at my house all day. I'm giving you a set time. Like, I do not expect you to sacrifice your entire Saturday for a child's birthday party who's not even gonna remember it, right. And yeah, the end time - please leave my house on time, my child needs to nap. And anybody who's coming to a one-year-old's birthday party is already up at 9:30am, or they can suck it up for one day because it's over at 11, you have your entire day."

"Number two - we will not be serving a meal. It's at 9:30 in the morning, please eat breakfast before you come. I will have some snacks and that's it."

"I'm not doing games. I'm not doing anything, really. This is going to be a very '90s vibe birthday party where I have, like, a ball pit out and maybe some toys. I'll put the Pickler triangle and the trampoline up outside and that'll be that. We're not doing games. I'm not... I am not spending money on this. I spent money to get the invitations printed and that's it, but it's not going to be an expensive party."

"I specifically very clearly put on the invitations "Please do not bring gifts". We're doing a Harry Potter-themed birthday party for her. Her name is Hazel Paige, so HP. I'm a big Harry Potter nerd, like it's a whole thing. So for her birthday, on the invitation, I put like Hazy P is far from a house elf, so she needs no clothes. And then I said like she has more toys than Dudley Dursley on his birthday, or something like that.

Homegirl needs nothing. And then I said if you feel inclined to bring something, consider $5. Because we're trying to remodel our backyard. We need to redo... Our backyard is a train wreck. Bring us five bucks to help us redo our backyard. That's what we're asking. But she does not need anything. And I am very picky. I don't want you to buy s**t for my kids."

"Also, we're not serving alcohol. I know it's pretty normal to serve booze at kids birthday parties these days. Like, we did it our son's first birthday party and second birthday party. We had a frickin' taco bar and margaritas for our son's 2nd birthday party. But we don't drink. So we do that for other people. But it's 9:30 in the morning. I'm not even going to buy champagne. I was like I might get a bottle of wine but no, I'm not... I'm not doing it. There will be juice."

"And I'm not doing cake. I'm not. It is, again, 9:30 in the morning. My son is a no-red-dye kid. I think he might have an allergy to it. I have a cousin who's like a 30-year-old adult who has an allergy to red dye, he gets migraines and hives and s**t. Sorry, we were having some FOMO, but we're not doing cakes. What I'm going to do is I'm gonna do like little coffee cakes and decorate them to look mandrakes because - Harry Potter. Yeah, that's what we're doing, because she's not gonna remember it. She doesn't need anything."

It’s a bit surprising to see people so up in arms about this particular celebration, as the entire idea of birthday traditions are, by and large, made up. Yes, actually celebrating the fact that a person, particularly a child has lived an entire year is good and widespread, but the actual “details” of the celebration look different everywhere and aren’t exactly enshrined in law. Just as naming conventions are different from place to place, so are the ways we celebrate.

For example, in much of the western world, a kid’s 16th birthday is almost as important (and celebrated) as the 18th, while in some Hispanic nations, it’s the 15th birthday that takes precedence. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with it, indeed, creating positive traditions is a sort of human superpower.

As with so many other things in the western world, the birthday celebration, in a rough form, originated in ancient Rome. However, the way we celebrate them now, with cake and parties, has its origins in the territory of 18th century Germany. This is when one would invite other children to a birthday party, not just family and friends of the family, which, let’s face it, a four year old wouldn't care about at all.

In many other cultures, specific birthdays are considered important, generally requiring a certain kind of party, ritual and with its own slew of traditions. Unfortunately, this often means the parents taking over the planning and, generally, steamrolling the wishes and desires of the child who is, ostensibly, the cause for celebration.

Instead, it should be a reminder to people that at the end of the day, birthdays are not some sacred ritual, but an excuse to celebrate and have fun. As Rachel mentions in this TikTok, a one-year-old will really not remember any of this. Some might ask why have a party at all, but why not? It’s just a nice excuse to socialize, have some food and just enjoy one’s time.

After all, particularly for new parents, one year with a baby is still a substantial amount of time, they deserve to throw themselves a little get together, even if it is in the same way as celebrating a one-year-olds birthday. This is why Rachel’s party-plan makes so much more sense, as it’s designed around the parents. Most parties boil down to being a free-for-all amongst the kids, with generally chaotic results for whoever is in charge of cleaning up afterwards.

While there was an outpouring of negative comments, the truth is that it’s actually quite considerate to plan a party that will in no way inconvenience the guests. Indeed, it’s downright strange for random internet commenters to have such strong opinions on a party they weren’t even invited to. Perhaps the actual guests can complain, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.