Parenting is hard, but what about co-parenting during a trial separation? That might be something like trying to perform brain surgery while skydiving. Blindfolded.
Today's Original Poster (OP) hit her breaking point when her ex, who's gunning for 50/50 custody, just couldn’t show up on time to daycare pickups again. After eight no-shows and multiple warnings, she decided she'd had enough.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, pushing people to do the right thing means making uncomfortable moves
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author and her soon-to-be ex-husband were in a trial separation with a 50/50 custody agreement for their toddler
Image credits: ThrowRA-separate11
Image credits: alekskhelphoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The father repeatedly failed to pick up their child from daycare on his scheduled days, leaving her to step in
Image credits: ThrowRA-separate11
Image credits: nomadsoul1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After the eighth incident, the daycare threatened CPS involvement, and the author told them to go ahead
Image credits: ThrowRA-separate11
The father then arrived late to find police at the daycare, and blamed her for "abandoning" their child
Over the course of their trial separation, the OP found herself increasingly pulled back into childcare duties, but only during her soon-to-be ex-husband's custody weeks. While she carefully tailored her work schedule and even hired help to ensure her toddler had smooth days, her soon-to-be ex just didn’t.
In fact, eight times the daycare called her because he was a no-show, and they were furious each time they stayed late. On top of that, they warned her about involving Child Protective Services. The final straw came when it happened again. Fed up, she told the daycare to go ahead and contact the authorities if necessary, and sure enough, they did.
When her ex finally arrived an hour late, he was greeted not just by his toddler, but also by the police. He then blew up at the OP for "abandoning" their child. However, she reminded him that she had warned him repeatedly and that she couldn’t be his backup plan during his custody time.
In fact, she noted that the entire point of the trial separation with split custody was that both of them had to step up equally. It wasn't as though she was hands-off, especially since she had cut back her work hours, structured her days, and found childcare alternatives. Meanwhile, her ex had changed nothing.
Image credits: jet-po / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Joint custody legally requires both parents to share responsibility and authority in making key decisions about their child’s life. Our Family Wizard highlights that parents are often expected to work together and cooperate with one another in the child’s best interest.
Krasner Law then explains that neglect or failure to meet legal obligations in joint custody occurs when a parent’s actions harm a child’s well-being or disrupt the agreed-upon custody arrangement. They state that this can include a lack of cooperation, such as refusing to communicate, ignoring custody schedules, or failing to participate in joint decision-making.
They also highlight that consistent non-compliance may be viewed as neglectful and can lead to custody modifications or even loss of parental rights, especially if it puts the child at risk or creates instability.
Early childhood educators are often legally mandated reporters if they have concerns regarding a child's parent or parents. According to Butler Diaries, they are required by law to report any suspected child neglect to the appropriate authorities, and a failure to do so can lead to serious legal consequences, including fines or criminal charges.
Netizens supported the OP's actions, agreeing that if the father wants shared custody, he must show up and fulfill his responsibilities. They emphasized documenting everything, involving a lawyer immediately, and showing the court she’s the more reliable parent. However, others warned that allowing CPS to get involved could backfire, potentially harming both their custody claims.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think calling CPS was going too far, or was it the only way to make the father take responsibility? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens understood that the author made the move to push her soon-to-be ex to be more proactive, but they claimed it could be harmful for both of them in the long run
