It’s one thing to have a parent leave you for their affair partner. That in and of itself brings unbearable pain. Not receiving any support from them throughout your life is the vinegar doused to that open wound that never fully heals.
The man in today’s story experienced that ordeal with his father, whom he describes as a “deadbeat.” One day, the cancer-stricken absentee dad reconnected to ask if his affair family could be taken care of after he’s gone.
The author refused without batting an eye, only to be berated. He now wonders if his response was too harsh.
Absentee fathers cause deep-seated anger and trauma in their children
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A man had his “deadbeat” dad reconnect with him, but it came attached with a huge favor
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
He refused, but his dad berated him for doing so
Image credits: Dapper-Mine-2642
Boys struggle with maturity when they grow up without a father
In a previous story, we discussed how absentee fathers cause a great deal of emotional and psychological distress to their daughters. Sons, on the other hand, experience stunted maturity, according to studies.
In a paper published in Biology Letters, researchers found that boys abandoned by their dads around 16 matured later. Meanwhile, boys who were abandoned around the age of seven were likely to irresponsibly father a child by the time they were 23.
According to evolutionary ecology professor Rob Brooks, a possible reason is that young men rely on their fathers to guide them through life and being a man. That includes grasping the concept of maturity.
“Boys whose fathers stick around may have their fathers’ genetic disposition to be more paternal and the opportunity to grow and educate themselves for the longer term strategy,” Brooks wrote in an article for The Conversation.
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
In the case of the author, he may be dealing with unresolved trauma and anger, which could take a lot of work and time to resolve. But is he obligated to reconnect with his father, who abandoned him, let alone the affair family?
Psychologist and parental estrangement expert Dr. Joshua Coleman says this is not necessarily the case unless the dad takes responsibility.
Speaking with Business Insider, Dr. Coleman emphasized the importance of showing signs of self-reflection and the willingness to do their part to renegotiate the relationship.
As the abandoned child, knowing your boundaries also matters.
"Safety has to do with your own sort of internal meter of what you can tolerate and what you can't tolerate," Dr. Coleman said.
At some point, the author must let go of his anger towards his father and even find it in himself to forgive. Reconnecting will be entirely up to him, considering that his dad may be in the final stages of his life. However, he is in no way obligated to provide any assistance to his father’s family.
The man provided more information in the comments
Most commenters sided with him
But there were a few who called him out for being “heartless”
