Isn’t it strange how much power a person can have over us and even damage us with a single word? Especially when it comes to our parents with whom we share such a deep bond that their actions can have a massive impact on us, and sometimes even put us in difficult situations.
The original poster (OP) is also stuck in a quandary about not inviting her father’s girlfriend to her wedding as her mom is still sensitive about it even after the divorce. She worries that her mom would unleash hell if she saw the girlfriend during the event!
More info: Mumsnet
A parent's actions can have a massive impact on their children and even put them in difficult situations
Image credits: Ramon Hernandez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster's boyfriend proposed and they are going to get married in his native country, so her parents would have to travel around 30 hrs to get there
Image credits: CrypticElliptical
Image credits: Alex Monaco / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The complication is that after her dad cheated, her parents are in the middle of a divorce, yet her mom is very sensitive knowing her dad has a girlfriend
Image credits: CrypticElliptical
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
While she is sympathetic to her mom, who has suffered, she feels that her mother's tendency to share all the gory details about dad's affair has traumatized her and her siblings
Image credits: CrypticElliptical
She has been pondering whether to invite dad's new girlfriend to the wedding or not as her mom would unleash hell and she just wants a drama-free wedding
Today, we dive into yet another wedding tale where the bride tells us about the conundrum that has rocked her before her wedding. What happened was that after her boyfriend proposed, they decided to have the wedding in his native country as unlike hers, his grandparents are pretty old and won't be able to travel much.
Her parents would be traveling around 30 hours for the wedding, but here’s where the problem starts. They are in the middle of a divorce as her dad cheated on her mom, and now, her dad also has a new girlfriend. Turns out, the mom is still extremely sensitive about it and cried for weeks after the man announced about his girlfriend.
Now, OP goes on to explain she sympathizes with her mom, who was quite hurt by the affair, but she told her kids all the gory details about it. Well, listening to all the inappropriate things that their father did traumatized the siblings, and it’s quite natural, isn’t it?
When the poster informed her father about the wedding, he was delighted and mentioned that he would love to make the trip with his girlfriend. However, thinking of her mom, OP doesn’t really want to invite the woman whom she has never even met. Besides, her mom would (to quote OP) “unleash hell” if the woman came to the wedding.
Looking at how stressful weddings already are, the bride doesn’t want to add more drama to the already brimming pile, and no matter what, she loves her mom. That’s why she has been contemplating not inviting the girlfriend to the wedding, but also feels it would be unfair for her dad to travel on his own so far. When she sought advice online, netizens didn’t disappoint her.
People could empathize with the poster and understand the difficult situation that she's stuck in. They felt that the bride shouldn’t have to worry about these things on her wedding day, and she should be able to get support from her parents about the decision that she makes as it's her big day.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To get expert insights, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Amal Roshan, a psychologist who works at the National Institute of Naturopathy. When we asked him about the impact that finding out about a parent’s infidelity can have on an individual, he said, “It’s totally subjective, as it depends on the value system programmed into one's mind.”
“Values are the beliefs telling what is right and what is wrong, what is important and what is not. Personally, I had to go through this experience in my life when I felt resentment towards my dad in my childhood, and it completely changed when I started exploring Osho's philosophy. Now I totally accept his decision and feel neutral about it.”
Folks online also advised the poster that if she doesn’t really know her dad’s girlfriend, and is worried about how it could create tension at the wedding, she is not obligated to invite her. They said that she should express her discomfort to her father and set up healthy boundaries to ensure it won’t give her more stress.
Dr. Roshan also explained that boundaries are important in such cases. He felt that this should be lovingly communicated to the parent to ensure that the parent is assured that this is not an action of disrespect or done with an intention to hurt them. He emphasized that proper communication makes things easy.
He also added that to avoid any wedding day conflict, the only possible way would be through peaceful communication with both parents individually, and creating prior agreements with each parent. Lastly, he also mentioned that in order to avoid triggers, they should avoid situations where both are interacting with each other.
Well, now that you have the whole scenario spread out in front of you, along with our expert's advice, tell us your thoughts and opinions about it. Also, if you have anything to add or if you have ever ended up in complicated family situations, feel free to write about it in the comments below!
Netizens showered the woman with tonnes of advice and she finally decided not to invite the girlfriend to the wedding
