When it comes to wedding planning, it’s up to the couple to decide what their priorities are. Some might opt for a backyard reception, so they have thousands to spend on excellent catering. And others might forgo booking a band to spend more on a great photographer. The bride and groom call the shots about where their wedding funds go. But what about when parents offer to help pay for their special day? Do they get to have a say in how their money is spent?
One frustrated parent who offered to fund their son’s wedding detailed on Reddit how they changed their mind after seeing the price tag on their soon-to-be daughter-in-law’s dress. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with Shay Yellin, Editor in Chief at Bespoke Bride!
This parent offered to pay for their son’s wedding to keep him out of debt
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
But they changed their mind after realizing how much his fiancé planned to spend on her wedding dress
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Public_Reflection_50
Later, the parent provided some more details about the situation
"The extent of parental contribution can vary wildly; some might generously cover the entire cost, while others might contribute to specific aspects"
Image credits: Asad Photo Maldives/Pexels (not the actual photo)
While your wedding day is supposed to be one of the most magical, memorable days of your entire life, it can easily be the most expensive as well. According to Forbes, the average wedding in 2024 costs $33,000, which is more than the average price of 3 semesters at a public university in the United States.
Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, it’s also very easy to go into debt when planning to tie the knot. In fact, a recent survey from U.S. News found that a whopping 56% of engaged couples who got married in the last year took on debt to pay for their big day. And 44% of newlyweds were given contributions from parents or relatives for their weddings, but only 11% of weddings were covered entirely by family members.
To gain more insight on this topic from an expert, we reached out to Shay Yellin, Editor in Chief at Bespoke Bride, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. First Shay noted that it’s quite common for parents to offer financial assistance for their children's weddings. "This tradition actually dates back to the days when a wedding was as much a social contract between families as it was a celebration of love," the wedding expert explained. "However, times have definitely changed since then, and so have the dynamics of wedding financing."
"From what we've noticed, the extent of parental contribution can vary wildly," Shay says. "Some parents might generously cover the entire cost, while others might contribute to specific aspects like the venue, catering, or the wedding dress. We don't have any exact statistics on this, but to our rough estimate, on average parents might cover about 40-50% of the total wedding costs, but again - this is by no means a hard and fast rule."
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska/Pexels (not the actual photo)
"It's entirely possible to find a stunning dress on a budget"
Shay also shared a little wedding story that Bespoke Bride covered a few months ago. "We attended a wedding where the groom’s parents covered the venue and catering, while the bride’s parents paid for the dress and floral arrangements. The couple themselves only paid for the honeymoon and photography. This mixed contribution not only spread the financial load but also brought a sense of shared effort and collaboration, which was symbolic of the union itself," the expert noted.
According to Shay, it's best to have an open conversation with your parents (or in-laws) early on if they'll be contributing to wedding costs. "Set expectations, discuss budgets, and avoid any surprise moves. Remember, it’s not about the cha-ching; it’s about celebrating love. If you don't have a budget in mind yet - read our post which also has a free wedding budget spreadsheet you can download," the editor shared.
And when it comes to the importance of a wedding dress, Shay says it's without a doubt "the pièce de résistance of bridal fashion." But the price of a wedding dress can range from a few hundreds to several thousand dollars, the expert explained, and we'll all have a different idea of what's considered a reasonable price based on our personal values and financial circumstances.
"Personally, I believe that the value of a wedding dress lies in how it makes the bride feel," Shay told Bored Panda. "If spending $10,000 on a dress is within your means, and it brings you immense joy, go for it! However, it's also entirely possible to find a stunning dress on a budget. One of the most beautiful weddings I attended featured a bride in a vintage dress she found at a thrift store for under $200. She looked absolutely radiant, and the dress had a unique charm that no off-the-rack gown could replicate."
If you're on a tighter budget, Shay recommends shopping sample sales, renting a dress, buying a slightly used one, or making your own DIY gown. "Websites like Stillwhite and Nearly Newlywed offer gently used designer gowns at a fraction of the original cost," the expert says. "The symbolism here is clear: a wedding dress is not just about the price tag but about the story and emotion it carries. It reflects the individuality and resourcefulness of the bride. If you're up to making your own dress - check out our post about making your own DIY wedding dress."
"It’s crucial to set a realistic budget and prioritize what elements of the wedding are most important to you"
Image credits: Leah Newhouse/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Shay also noted that planning a wedding on a budget is where creativity truly shines! "Firstly, it’s crucial to set a realistic budget and prioritize what elements of the wedding are most important to you," the editor shared. "Here are a few strategies I've seen work wonders: Consider non-traditional venues like parks, community halls, or even a friend’s beautiful backyard. These can be significantly cheaper than dedicated wedding venues."
Keeping the guest list intimate is also wise, Shay says. "Fewer guests mean lower costs for catering, invitations, and favors. Plus, it creates a more personal and cozy atmosphere." And when it comes to decor, don't be scared to DIY. "We love DIY at Bespoke Bride and have a HUGE section dedicated only for Wedding DIY inspiration," Shay noted. "Maybe it's time for you to embrace your inner craftsperson? DIY projects for centerpieces, invitations, and even wedding favors can save a lot of money. Plus, they add a personal touch to the celebration."
Couples can also cut costs when it comes to attire and photography. "As mentioned earlier, explore affordable options for wedding attire. Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits can also be rented or purchased during sales," Shay shared. "Hire a budding photographer or look for package deals that offer coverage for just the ceremony and key reception moments, rather than the entire day." For even more creative ideas, check out Bespoke Bride's post about unique ways to plan a wedding on a budget.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mom was right to refuse to fund her son’s wedding? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another article discussing wedding drama, look no further than right here!
Many readers took the parent's side and agreed that they shouldn't be funding the wedding
Others, however, thought that the situation could have been handled more maturely by all involved
And some called out the parent for going back on their word
