It hurts to realize that your own child might not want to spend time with you, nor will they let you see your grandkids. Though they might not tell you to your face, they’ve alienated you or cut you out of their life. But in some cases, there might be clear reasons for this. Like your tense relationship with your child’s partner.
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One deeply upset woman went on Mumsnet to talk about the divide between her, her son, and her daughter-in-law, and to share how she barely gets to see her grandchildren. Meanwhile, she’s jealous of how her grandkids get to spend a ton of time with the DIL’s side of the family. However, the internet was less sympathetic about her family situation than the woman expected. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s reactions.
If your loved ones constantly find reasons not to meet up with you, it's natural to assume that something's wrong
Image credits: Min An / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One grandma was left heartbroken as she barely gets to see her grandkids because her son and his family seem to prioritize everyone but her
Image credits: Elina Fairytale / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kadir Polat / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GrandmDEA
Grandparents have to face reality and acknowledge that it’s the parents who serve as gatekeepers to their grandchildren
Grandparent alienation, as the pros call it, is actually becoming more common these days, especially with younger generations moving far away and living life on their own terms. To find out more about this topic, we’ve interviewed Dr. Joshua Coleman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, author and speaker.
He told Bored Panda that, in most cases, grandparent alienation seems to come from conflicts between the parent and their adult child, rather than issues between the grandparent and grandchild. Many grandparents who experience alienation express that being separated from their grandchildren is often more distressing than being cut off from their adult child.
“Many were very close to the grandchildren before the alienation occurred and thus feel especially sad and confused. They also fear that they are being lied about to the grandchildren or poorly represented,” Dr. Coleman explained.
We asked Dr. Coleman if there is anything grandparents can do to try to mend relationships when they feel alienated from their grandchildren. He suggested that the primary focus for grandparents should be to acknowledge that parents serve as the gatekeepers to their grandchildren.
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s important to apologize to your child and their partner if you’ve been more than critical of their relationship in the past
While there may be rare instances where an adult child allows contact with the grandchildren despite not engaging with the parent, this is not common. Therefore, grandparents need to concentrate on repairing their relationship with the adult child and accept any boundaries that have been set, even if they find them challenging.
We wanted to know what role in-laws and cultural differences play in grandparent alienation, and how families can navigate these challenges.
Dr. Coleman told us that “A son-in-law or daughter-in-law may act as a kind of cult of one, alienating the adult child and the grandchildren from everyone. Thus, parents have to be careful not to criticize the son or daughter-in-law and to make amends if they have.”
So, is the grandma being unreasonable here? We would like to know what you think of this story. Was the grandmother being a bit harsh, or is it time for her son and his family to step up their game? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Netizens say that the grandma should work on improving her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law, as her disapproval of her DIL is probably what caused the whole rift
