There are different types of moms in this world - some sincerely want their children to start a full independent life as soon as possible, while others continue to consider their beloved son a little vulnerable tot in this cruel world until old age. His old age, that is...
Most likely, the user FussyFusspott, the author of our story today, by the will of fate, got a mother-in-law from the second category of moms. This decent lady constantly interferes in her son's family life - even despite the fact that he has long been an adult and has two kids himself.
More info: Mumsnet
The author of the post has a husband and 2 kids, and a very tenacious mother-in-law too
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This lady felt offended as the son started paying more attention to his family, so she tried to insert herself back in his life by all means
Image credits: FussyFusspott
Image credits: Gary Barnes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author's MIL even resorted to manipulations over her age and health - despite being 67 years old and quite healthy
Image credits: FussyFusspott
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So recently the MIL wanted to come over for a holiday but she also told the family that she can't afford to contribute a single penny
Image credits: FussyFusspott
Moreover, the author's husband said that he wants to have a dinner for two with his mom on holiday - and to leave his wife at home babysitting the kids
So, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband have two children, 7 and 4 years old, and after the birth of the first kid, the husband began, which is generally reasonable, to pay less attention to his mother - simply because the children required a significant part of his responsibility. Both emotional and financial.
The mom, according to the author, has always been quite demanding of her only son. But over time, the couple changed their place of residence (they now live about 20 miles away from the MIL's place), and communication with her became more episodic.
For example, while the MIL used to come to visit almost every week for the whole day, now she can no longer afford it. And still, the mother continues to emotionally pressure her son - for example, by telling him she doesn't have much time left to live in this world, so she desperately wants to enjoy communication with him.
At the same time, as our heroine claims, her MIL is actually 67 years old and in excellent health - but these phrases still affect the author's spouse greatly. For example, she asked to come visit them for a holiday - but at the same time said that her financial situation won't allow her to contribute a single penny. It has gotten to the point, says the OP, that she herself has begun to feel like the third wheel there...
And so, recently, the husband told his wife that he plans to have dinner with his mom again, just the two of them, while the author has to babysit their offspring. The guy tried to sell it as childcare, but the original poster points out that he and his mom already have lunch together twice a month, so isn't this idea kinda out of the ordinary?
Image credits: Jorge Zapata / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Well, mothers often have a hard time letting their adult sons go about their family life, and in doing so, they sometimes create real problems for them in their marriages: problems that could even lead to a divorce.
"Some mothers do resort to manipulating their own health factors in order to 'tie' their sons to themselves more tightly when they feel that his family is starting to take up more and more of his time and attention," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here.
"From my experience, I can say that very often, such situations lead to serious family troubles - and now this family, too, it seems to me, is taking this slippery path, fraught with problems. This woman should perhaps talk to her husband and mother-in-law about it - this can avoid misunderstandings in the future."
"Ideally, it would be better if the husband had this conversation with the mother himself - because the sooner she understands that her son is now an adult and has his own family, the better. For him, and, by and large, for her as well," Irina summarizes.
As for the people in the comments to the original post, their opinions were in some way divided. Most of the responders were purely outraged by this approach from the MIL, and urged the author not to agree with this idea. "She seems incredibly rude not to pay for her holiday and then expect [husband] to leave the family to take her out on her own," someone wrote quite angrily.
And one of the readers suggested a more indifferent approach - just to take advantage of a free evening. "Get the kids to bed, order myself something delicious from room service and roll around in the bed in glorious solitude," was their idea. And which point of view do you, our dear readers, lean more towards?
Most people in the comments told her that the MIL sounds quite horrible, but some folks also urged the woman to enjoy the evening of 'glorious solitude'
