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Tarnowski told CNN he hopes these sayings will resonate with anyone who bristles at relentless toxic positivity.
"I’m making light of the darkness by shining a light into it," he said. "I think I really started understanding my own darkness when I was officially diagnosed as bipolar. As I started reading up on the disorder, I saw myself everywhere."
At that point, Disappointing Affirmations was still two years away, but he was making memes for some other pages he had been running for years that started taking on things like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, imposter syndrome, and so on.
"With [my] Disappointing Affirmations [Instagram account] I was able to step right up to the point and showcase different ‘negative’ thoughts, old stories, and worst-case scenarios — and laugh at them."
Tarnowski admits he’s “a total fatalist” by nature and always expects the worst, even down to the tiniest things, like, “Will the store be open yet? I bet it won’t. But I’m going to check anyway annnnnd of course it’s not open yet. Why did I even bother?”
“They say, ‘Expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed,’ and maybe that’s true for others, but I’ve found life to be very disappointing,” he said.
“That’s not to say I haven’t felt joy, but it only lasts so long. No matter how good things are, I’m always waiting for them to go wrong.”
However, over time, Tarnowski found that for him, the trick with depression is to let it be itself.
“I know that may sound silly, but when I find myself suddenly in the ... ‘tunnel’ of depression, as an old friend put it to me once, I just let it do its thing. Because in the past, when I’d get frustrated at being depressed, I’d feel powerless over it and hate myself.”
“I view it now as a part of myself, and I need to accept it just as I need to accept my manic side,” he said. “I also need to give a huge shout-out to all of my therapists over the years. It was with their help that I was able to begin digging down deep and examining what’s inside. Plus, I’m on a good regimen of medications that help keep the darkness from being so deep and never-ending, mostly, and the anxiety/mania from getting too out of hand — again, mostly.”
Tarnowski said vulnerability used to feel like weakness to him, but he has learned that it’s a huge strength.
And he believes he wouldn’t have been able to unlock this realization without years of talking it through during therapy.
Now, he hears that his Disappointing Affirmations help others who find themselvesin similar situations.
“People have told me I’ve saved their lives — more than a few times. It’s both humbling and heartbreaking. I’m a staunch mental health advocate,” he said.
For the record, Tarnowski doesn’t knock positive affirmations at all. It’s the toxic positivity he’s after.
“Disappointing Affirmations aren’t just photonegatives of positive affirmations. They are steeped in stark realism and in many cases outright nihilism. I am not the most positive person, but I do know what doesn’t work for me — and that’s affirmations trying to brainwash me to believe things are different than they really are,” he said.
“I know life can suck, and in so many ways. I want something that doesn’t make me feel bad for seeing things that way.”
