Giving birth can be a very stressful experience for a birthing person. The body goes through so much to birth a new life into our world. What doesn't help the difficulty of the situation is when other people around, for example, in the delivery room, don't appreciate the magnitude of the situation and that the most important person at that time is the one giving birth.
Apparently, there are quite a lot of examples of people, especially men, being extremely inconsiderate of a person in labor. This nurse gathered some examples of that and acted them out in a TikTok video, which soon went viral.
More info: TikTok
This nurse posted a video sharing disturbing things she has heard men say in the delivery room and they range from simply annoying to absolutely intolerable
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: Jimmy Conover (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
Image credits: anna.the.nurse
The video was posted by TikTok user @anna.the.nurse, who we will simply call Anna. She is a content creator who focuses on videos about birthing, nursing, postpartum, and motherhood themes. Currently, on TikTok, she has 1.2M followers and over 60M likes.
In the video, Anna acts out various phrases she has heard men say to women who were in labor. These varied from them a man wondering when the woman would have their baby, since he was hungry, or simply whining that it was taking too long, to entitled requests such as giving an extra stitch on a woman's private parts for him or doubting a woman's effort during labor. Notably, Anna isn't the only nurse out there who has spoken out about things like that. In fact, you don't even have to be a nurse to witness some disturbing things being said or done in the delivery room.
Coming back to today's video, people online had quite a strong reaction to the phrases she acted out. A lot of women expressed that if their husbands said any of these things, they would either start throwing hands or divorce lawyers would be by their side very soon. At the same time, there was some positivity in the comments as well. And it came from women who shared their experiences with their husbands, who were great in the delivery room. So, we can only applaud the fact that not every man in the delivery room is an inconsiderate human being.
Watch the video here
To get extra insight about support people and their consideration or lack thereof in delivery rooms, Bored Panda reached out to labor and delivery nurse Jen Hamilton.
Jen admitted that during her career, she has heard some disgusting things said in the delivery room. Interestingly, she noticed that even though partners of a birthing person come in various genders, she hasn’t seen a woman being inconsiderate to her birthing partner.
Funnily enough, she dubbed these inconsiderate men “turds.” And she has distinguished several types of them. The most common one is a “couch turd”, which is similar to a couch potato, as he prioritizes his own comfort. “He sometimes brings an entire gaming system, so that he can be entertained. Others bring eye masks and noise-canceling headphones to drown out the sounds of discomfort from their partner.”
Then comes an annoyed man, who constantly has to let it be known that he’s not comfy: “He leaves the room often during times that his partner needs him the most, usually exhaling loudly as if he has been inconvenienced in a large way.”
A step up from the latter is the opinionated man, “who has done approximately 27 seconds of googling and now has a lot to say. He often loudly expresses his opinion on what he thinks his partner should or should not be doing which is often in direct contradiction with what the laboring person has expressed that they want.”
The last two types of inconsiderate men in the delivery room, according to Jen Hamilton, are the absentee and the abuser. The former is, just as the name suggests, the man who has something more important than the birth of the baby. And the latter one is the person who “makes it very clear that they can and will become violent if those around him do not bend to his will. These abusers should be identified quickly and be escorted out by security and not allowed to return for the safety of all involved.”
Image credits: Jimmy Conover (not the actual photo)
When Jen comes in contact with these kinds of inconsiderate people in the delivery room, she says she reacts depending on the type they are from the previously distinguished ones. With some, she can have a simple conversation or give some slightly strict comments, while other times, even police assistance is required.
Jen also didn’t shy away from advising on how a positive support system can be ensured in the delivery room. “My biggest advice to people is to choose your support system wisely.”
She says if a person consistently has been inconsiderate towards you, they’re likely going to be the same in the delivery room. “Choosing the wrong person for your support can make or break your birthing experience. The test for who you want in the delivery room is to think about how that person treats you when you are sick. Would they get up at 3 am for you to go get your medicine without complaint? Would they hold your hair as you vomit? Or would they ignore you or ask you why dinner isn’t ready yet? I want to empower people to choose the people who will actually be there for them. Not just the person everyone else thinks should be there.”
Jen also noted the nurses’ importance in finding a proper support person: “Nurses should always find a time that they can get the patient alone in order to suss out the vibes of the relationships, making sure that not only is the birthing person safe but also that they can count on the person that they have brought with them to offer them support and comfort.”
And if the birthing person is worried about not being supported, the nurse, according to Jen, shouldn't leave them alone for an extended time. A birthing person should know their options, and coping techniques, their wishes should be heard and not overshadowed by an inconsiderate “support” person or, as the interviewee called them, “a turd.”
So, people who are planning to give birth anytime in the future - make sure to take Jen Hamilton's advice and choose a proper support person instead of one that you think you should choose. After all, it's you who is going to be giving birth and having not the most pleasing time of your life. But it will be much easier when there aren't extra people complaining or making inappropriate comments (like the ones in the video) in the delivery room.
A lot of people in the comments were horrified by these examples, while some others opened up about their more supportive partners, giving us a little bit of hope
