Living under one roof with a teenager can often be damn difficult, both for adults and for the teens themselves. Hundreds and thousands of books, movies and scientific studies have been devoted to this - but still, years pass, and growing girls and boys keep giving their parents a hard time. And, admittedly, they themselves suffer from it no less.
Well, the user u/D-Hearing228, the author of the story we want to tell you today, also faced a similar problem. And the factor that complicates everything even more was that the 'difficult' teen was in fact her stepdaughter.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post and her husband have 4 children - 3 from their previous marriages and one kid together
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The eldest stepdaughter, 16 years old, has always been very critical and grumpy towards all family decisions and ideas
Image credits: D-Hearing228
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So recently, when the family was planning a trip to Disneyland, the teen told them she wouldn't go - and the author decided to not ask her again
Image credits: D-Hearing228
Image credits: Craig Adderley / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman decided to let the stepdaughter stay at home in order not to ruin the trip for everyone else
Image credits: D-Hearing228
However, the husband disagreed with her, claiming it was just his daughter's typical behavior and leaving her at home wouldn't be fair towards her
Meet the Original Poster (OP), a 41-year-old lady who is in her second marriage, and she and her husband have four children - one from the wife's previous marriage, two from her husband's previous relationship, and one kid together.
In her own words, the author does everything to ensure that all the children in the family grow up in equal conditions and are loved equally. But, as it often happens anyway, the eldest stepdaughter, 16 years old, constantly creates problems for the rest of the family.
In short, the girl never wants what everyone else wants - be it trips, clothes or food. She always wants something of her own, unique - but as soon as someone from the family agrees with her, she immediately changes her mind and subjects it to withering criticism.
The parents have tried to indulge her, tried to fulfill her whims - but every time everything ended the same. The teen was happy if the family was miserable, and was completely grumpy and unbearable if everyone else was happy.
Recently, the family planned a trip to Disneyland, with our heroine's nephew, who has cancer, and who always dreamed of going there. The author asked the stepdaughter several times if she wanted to go too - but each time she received a negative (and very dismissive) answer.
As a result, when it came to booking the tickets, the OP acted decisively. Her husband was staying home anyway - he had urgent work, so the lady decided not to pay for her stepdaughter's trip, so as not to ruin everything for all the other folks.
However, her spouse didn't agree with this idea - he said that his daughter would want to go anyway, even if she initially refused several times. And that such a decision would be unfair to her. The wife, however, was adamant - and decided to ask the netizens for advice, too, just in case.
Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Well, the situation is indeed difficult, and experts actually agree with this. "There can be many reasons for such behavior - from the typical denial of everything during the separation process, quite typical of teenagers, to experiences due to the divorce of parents in the past," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"In the process of searching for their own identity, many teenagers are prone to this kind of 'nihilism,' and this is a fairly natural process. Although it is quite painful for those around them - and the teens themselves as well. Be that as it may, the reasons need to be looked for - and preferably with a specialist."
"This woman noted that the girl is working with a counselor - and this is good. Perhaps it is worth talking to the father and her biological mother - especially if they are on good terms - about therapy sessions for the girl. In the meantime, it seems to me that traveling without her is the right step, because in any case one needs to be able to face the consequences of their decisions and refusals," Irina sums up.
Most of the commenters under the original post also expressed concern about the girl's behavior, and advised the author to at least talk to her seriously and frankly. "Have you talked to your SD directly about this? She's old enough to have a conversation that starts with, 'Look, when you act like this it lowers the enjoyment of everyone else. It's to the point that it's not fair to your siblings,'" someone wondered.
And some readers think that this is just a peculiar manifestation of the crisis of growing up. "It sounds like she is struggling to find her individuality," one of the responders wrote. "It might be a deeper issue and therapy might help," another person added. And what advice would you give to the original poster in the described situation?
People in the comments mostly sided with the woman, but urged her to seek therapy for the stepdaughter too
