Ever heard the saying, "Too many cooks spoil the broth?" Well, sometimes, too many comments spoil the meal. Just imagine getting ready to go out to a good restaurant, expecting a nice dinner with family, when BAM, you’re hit with unsolicited advice and judgmental remarks. We all know that one person who just can't help but have a nasty comment about every single bite you take. It's like they've turned mealtime into their own personal talk show, complete with a running commentary on your eating habits.
One Redditor, let’s call her Carla, had a series of such cringe-worthy restaurant escapades with her in-laws that made her swear off dining with them for good.
More info: Reddit
Woman recovering from an eating disorder refuses to eat out with husband’s parents after her mother-in-law’s nasty comments about food triggered her
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law constantly makes comments about everyone’s food choices and portions every time the family meets for dinner
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law even put her son on a “secret diet” as a kid, which affected him for a long time
Image credits: Adrienn (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/pug1c0rn
After yet another disastrous dinner filled with comments about food, the woman tells her husband that she will never meet his parents for dinner ever again
Carla, a 29-year-old with a knack for surviving awkward dinners, had been married to her husband for 11 years. She thought she knew her in-laws pretty well, despite their rare visits. But boy, oh boy, did those visits pack a punch. Her mother-in-law’s restaurant antics were the stuff of nightmares.
Now, Carla had her fair share of struggles with disordered eating . Years of therapy helped her recover, but some situations still sent her spinning. Dining out with her mother-in-law? A first-class ticket to Trigger Town.
So, what made these dinners so dreadful? Well, as soon as the food hit the table, Carla’s mother-in-law started making not-so-subtle comments about portion sizes and calories. “What a huge sandwich! I could NEVER eat that much.” Oh, and she’d ask for a box to pack up most of her meal right away, telling everyone else to do the same. Talk about a buzzkill.
But wait, it gets worse. The mother-in-law loved to brag about putting her son on a “secret diet” when he was a kid. This not-so-secret diet haunts Carla’s husband to this day, leaving him with a mess of issues to untangle.
After one particularly disastrous dinner, Carla threw in the napkin. She told her husband she couldn’t take another restaurant outing with his parents as it was just too much for her mental health and she was afraid of getting triggered by them. And guess what? Her husband was totally on board.
Recovering from an eating disorder is like navigating a minefield- just when you think you've got it all under control, one comment about your portion size, and you're back to square one. For anyone who's battled an eating disorder, triggers are everywhere, especially in social settings.
As experts explain, “Because an eating disorder is often a means of coping with or feeling in control of difficult emotions or situations, the idea of life without it can be very frightening, and you may feel conflicted about recovery. Nobody expects you to smoothly walk along your path towards recovery – it's completely normal to meet some obstacles along the way.”
However, when these obstacles come in the form of your mother-in-law, things can get a bit tricky, just as Carla had to learn the hard way. As the road to recovery is never a straight line, sometimes the best move is to steer clear of situations, or people, that could knock you off your game. In some cases, this means putting distance between you and your triggers, even if it means setting boundaries with family.
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
Carla turned to the internet, asking if she was wrong for making this call. And oh boy, the comments! The internet sure knows how to deliver some gems. One commenter said, "Make dinner at home. Box it up immediately and send her on her way." Now that’s a good piece of advice.
Another netizen pointed out how women of the mother-in-law’s age were fed all kinds of unhealthy food nonsense growing up, which they now pass on to everyone else. Someone even suggested that explaining these issues to the in-laws was like trying to convince a wall to move. “It’s so glaringly obvious to normal people!” they exclaimed. Bless the internet for keeping it real and hilarious.
In an update, Carla clarified that her husband was fully aware of his mother’s toxic behavior and totally supported her decision. They were a united front, setting boundaries and managing their relationship with his parents like pros.
To find out more about this story, Bored Panda reached out to the original poster for some comments. She told us that her relationship with her mother-in-law is “low contact but cordial from a distance”. When asked if her mother-in-law is aware of her history with eating disorders, the OP told us that she doesn’t know about her situation as “she's not particularly trustworthy with sensitive/health information so we keep everything surface level with her. We've confronted her about it in the past, but she takes any issue raised as a personal criticism and victimizes herself. It ended in a shouting match, and it was not productive.”
While the OP did reconcile with her mother-in-law since then, she has put up boundaries when it comes to her, as she is not showing any signs of changing. “Unfortunately, she's just not capable of introspection and doesn't have the emotional intelligence to correct her behavior or recognize her patterns as problematic. I wish our relationship was different, but she just can't keep her comments to herself,” the OP told us.
Setting boundaries with family members can be challenging, especially when you’re dealing with difficult people. You love them, but sometimes, they’re more toxic than a reality TV reunion show. Drawing the line is essential for your sanity, so saying “no” to them is saying “yes” to your mental well-being.
Experts advise us to stand up for ourselves and create boundaries whenever we need to. “You have every right to express yourself when things don’t feel appropriate. You’re allowed to tell family members about actions or words that you find intrusive or aggressive. Your boundaries could be regarding anything, including your desire for freedom from negative, controlling energy, your physical and emotional needs being met, respect about the feelings and emotions you experience.”
So, what do you think? Was Carla a jerk for ditching the in-law dinner dates? Or was she spot on for taking care of herself? Drop your nuggets of wisdom in the comments below!
Netizens sided with the woman, saying she’s not a jerk for refusing to go out to dinner with her in-laws and she is right for wanting to protect her mental health
