Betrayal doesn’t always come in the form of a dramatic affair or a loud confrontation. Imagine discovering that someone you thought had your back was secretly working behind the scenes to hurt you. Now, imagine that person is family. It’s one thing to be betrayed by a stranger, but when it’s someone who shares your blood, the sting feels like it cuts even deeper.
Today's Original Poster (OP) shared why she skipped her cousin’s surprise engagement party, namely because said cousin betrayed her in a huge way. While the betrayal is years in the past, the wounds and family fallout are still very real.
More info: Reddit
Setting boundaries after a betrayal is never easy, especially when the person who hurt you shares your blood
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author found out that her cousin had been involved with her then-boyfriend, and it hurt that other family members knew about it
Image credits: Fantastic-Okra-1207
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Because of this, she distanced herself from her cousin and other family members; however, her father kept downplaying it
Image credits: Fantastic-Okra-1207
Image credits: zinkevych / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So one day, when her mother hinted to her that an engagement party was being planned for the cousin, she already decided she wouldn't be there
Image credits: Fantastic-Okra-1207
She ended up going on a fun getaway with her boyfriend and younger cousin, and this didn't sit well with her father
The drama didn’t start at the party; it started six years ago when the OP found out her then-boyfriend had been secretly involved with her cousin. Though the relationship had already ended by the time she learned the truth, the betrayal cut deep, and the fact that some family members knew but stayed silent added salt to the wound.
The OP didn’t cause a scene, though. Instead, she quietly began distancing herself from her cousin and everyone else who knew about it. Her mom supported her decision, but her dad didn't. In fact, he brushed it off and sided with the cousin like he typically did.
Now, a surprise engagement party was being planned for the cousin. The OP’s mom, understanding the emotional history, discreetly gave her a heads-up, so instead of attending, the OP planned a fun weekend getaway with her boyfriend to visit another cousin.
However, when she returned home, her father confronted her, asking if she’d congratulated her cousin and expressing disappointment when she said she didn't. He piled on the guilt, implying she was being unfair and criticizing the way she was now acting towards her cousin.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the Counseling Center Group, betrayal within families can cause lasting emotional wounds, often deeper than those from outside relationships. They acknowledge that when someone close, especially a trusted family member, breaks that trust, it can shake a person’s sense of security and self-worth.
They also note that these betrayals often emerge from clashing priorities or evolving identities, and they can leave effects like emotional trauma, damaged self-esteem, and long-term strain in family relationships.
Choosing Therapy highlights that in cases like this, gaslighting could occur. Gaslighting, especially when it comes from a parent, is a form of emotional abuse that distorts a person's understanding of their own experiences. It can lead children to question their thoughts, emotions, and even reality. They outline common signs, such as minimizing feelings, shifting blame, and refusing to acknowledge wrongdoing.
As explained by Verywell Mind, emotional validation means acknowledging and accepting another person’s feelings as real and understandable. It plays a vital role in building trust and connection in all kinds of relationships; therefore, they emphasize that emotional validation is essential, especially in families, where feeling heard can make all the difference.
Netizens stated that the OP is justified in distancing herself from both her cousin and her father and asserting that her boundaries and feelings should be respected. The dismissal of the OP's feelings by her father was also a major point of contention as they questioned why her father was so eager to defend her cousin’s actions, drawing attention to the potential pattern of minimizing infidelity.
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP wrong for distancing herself from her cousin? We would love to know your thoughts!
He criticized the author for not congratulating her cousin on her engagement, but netizens saw nothing wrong with what she did
