Ending a marriage is a tricky thing. Some people think divorce is all about that one epic, movie-style moment - someone dramatically walks out the door, suitcases in hand, while the rain pours down. But real life isn’t quite so cinematic. Sometimes, it’s more like a slow burn, where you wait and wait...and then wait some more.
Take our Redditor, for example, a dad who stuck it out for years before filing for divorce. Why, you ask? Because he wanted to make sure his kids were solid before dropping the big divorce bomb. And let’s just say, not everyone’s throwing confetti for him.
More info: Reddit
Wife prioritizes her new job in favor of her family, constantly travels for work, ignoring her husband and kids, which has forced the man to ask for a divorce
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man wanted to divorce his wife but postponed it for 3 years, waiting for his kids to be in a better mental and financial place
Image credits: Prudent-Composer3500
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The wife’s job requires constant travel, and some temporary relocations to different states, which forced the husband to take on the full responsibility of the house and kids
Image credits: Prudent-Composer3500
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man has been planning the divorce since his wife started ignoring her familial duties in favor of her job, but decided to postpone for 3 years, while trying out counseling
Image credits: Prudent-Composer3500
Once the family was in a better financial place and the kids were all set for college, the man asked his wife for a divorce, but was called a “selfish jerk” by her and her angry family
The OP (original poster) is a dad who patiently stuck it out in his marriage for over 20 years, until the walls started to crack. In the beginning, everything was business as usual—split house chores, parenting on autopilot, and a partnership that worked like a well-oiled machine.
That was until his wife landed a high-powered job that came with a side order of endless travel. Suddenly, the family’s go-to tag team had turned into a one-man show. Dad here wasn’t just filling in the gaps—he was practically running the whole circus.
Then came the pandemic. Yep, that pandemic, the one that tested the strength of relationships all over the world. After failed marriage counseling sessions and a whole lot of soul-searching, our guy knew divorce was on the horizon. But instead of pulling the trigger immediately, he decided to wait it out a bit, for the sake of his kids.
So, what exactly was going on? Well, his son was headed to college, and with all the chaos of remote learning, it was a logistical nightmare. Plus, his daughter was dealing with depression, and as the primary parent on deck, the OP didn’t want to rock the boat just yet.
Instead of pulling the plug on the marriage, he stuck around, basically as a single parent, for 3 more years to make sure his kids were okay. He also sold off stock investments to set up a trust for their college education. Is that a “dad of the year” award we see?
But, as noble as this sounds, not everyone was on board with his approach. Once the OP finally filed for divorce after his daughter was stable and off to college, his in-laws, and even some of his own family, labeled him the bad guy. Why? Well, they believed he should’ve either pushed harder for counseling or just ripped the band-aid off sooner.
Delaying a divorce can sometimes backfire and blow up in your face like an over-inflated balloon. Experts say that playing the waiting game in a crumbling marriage can lead to a ticking time bomb of resentment and emotional distance.
While our dad thought he was shielding his kids from the mess by postponing the divorce, kids are like emotional detectives - they might not be cracking crime cases, but they can definitely crack the code when it comes to sensing tension. You can put on your best poker face, but they still know when the vibes are off, and that uncertainty can be just as stressful as the divorce itself.
“Research has shown that children living under the same roof with depressed parents can experience negative effects. And living with unhappy, arguing parents can have an emotional aftermath that lingers into adulthood,” experts explain.
Image credits: Kaysha / Pexels (not the actual photo)
You’d think after all the OP’s planning, things would go smoothly, right? Nope. In fact, the OP’s in-laws made such a stink that they've gone full-on cold shoulder with his kids, refusing to talk to them while they were at the OP’s house.
They even refused to acknowledge him at his son’s graduation and threw a fit about which side of the family the kids should spend time with, making the OP’s son choose between them. Pro tip: pitting kids against their parents is never a good idea, especially while they are dealing with their parents getting divorced.
So, how do you know when is the right time to call it quits? Relationship experts often say that it’s time to consider ending things when the negatives far outweigh the positives, and all attempts at communication or compromise have hit a dead end.
According to marriage experts, one of the biggest red flags is constant stonewalling, when one or both partners shut down emotionally. If you find yourself feeling more like roommates than partners, or if trust is completely broken, these are signs that you might need to have that tough conversation about separation. It’s not easy, but hanging on to a marriage that's already fallen apart does more harm than good in the long run, especially if there are kids involved.
So, what’s the final judgment here? Is the OP the villain for waiting to end things on his terms? Or is he the hero for putting his kids first? Share your thoughts in the comments.
People in the comments say the man is not a jerk for waiting until his family became financially stable to ask for a divorce, since he was only trying to do the best thing for his kids
