Divorced parents, split custody, a child being moved from home to home and all things similar aren't a new tale. No matter how common these stories are, it's still pretty sad, especially when custody arrangements aren’t working.
Like this one, in which a dad worries that his ex might disregard their 50/50 agreement and take away his daughter. After all, there's a history there of her being possessive of the girl and pretending the dad isn't there.
More info: Mumsnet
Theoretically, parents should always strive to do what's best for their kids, but in reality, some let their interests take the wheel
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Like this mom, who ever since her daughter was born, was so possessive of her that the dad decided to break the relationship off and demand custody
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: matt08
Now, years later, knowing the mom's possessiveness, the dad worries that his ex might want to take away his daughter since the daughter has developed a fear of not seeing him again
Once upon a time, the post’s original author had a daughter. Unfortunately, her mom never let him near the baby – he didn’t get to hold her as a newborn, couldn’t pick out any clothes, bathe her, or read to her. Anytime he tried doing any of it, the kid was taken away and he was told that babies need their mom.
By the time the girl turned 1, he had barely held her. The child was constantly glued to her mom; she couldn’t let go of the girl for even 5 minutes. He realized that the only way he could be involved in his daughter’s life was if he ended the relationship and got custody. At that time the girl was only 14 months old.
Now she is 4 years old and he shares 50/50 custody (or joint custody) of her. Typically, during it, the care of the child is split between the parents. The child alternates between their homes, and they both have a say in questions of upbringing and so on. It works well as long as both parties comply with the agreed-upon rules.
Bored Panda's interviewee Kristdel Bolog from Australian company "The Family Lawyer" said that the custody agreements can be modified, but it depends on their type. For example, a court order or an informal agreement.
For the former, it can be modified if the applicant meets the requirements based on Rice & Asplund principle. It states that the court will only consider an application to change an earlier order if there has been a material change in circumstances that warrants a re-examination of the child's best interests. "The court will consider whether the applicant’s evidence shows a significant change in circumstances and weigh the potential benefit or detriment to the children caused by reopening the case."
For informal agreements there is no court order in place, so the parties can mutually agree to modify the arrangements, as long as changes align with the best interests of the children. "For instance, arrangements made when the child is 6 years old may no longer be suitable when the child is 16 years old, and adjustments can be made to reflect the child's evolving needs."
Speaking of mutual agreements, the history of the OP's parenting shows that the girl's mom did not always liked being equal parents. For instance, on his day with his daughter he lets her FaceTime her mom, and he sends pictures to her, but she doesn’t do anything similar on her days. One time she didn’t even let him know when the girl was rushed to the emergency room.
Then, for the last 3 weeks or so, the daughter has been acting a tad odd, which is both worrisome and suspicious to the dad. The girl cries anytime he has to bring her to the mom. Plus, she says she fears she'll never see him again. Her anxiety makes the dad anxious about why she even feels this way.
What if his ex is putting all these thoughts in the daughter's head because she is planning something? After all, the woman doesn’t like sharing the child with anyone else, not even her family members.
There could be plenty of reasons why a parent feels possessive of their child. As this Quora answer points out, some people do not grow up to be fully functioning adults and might struggle with boundary setting. That means they may heavily rely on other people to properly function. Sometimes this other person becomes their child.
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Sadly, such possessiveness can very negatively impact the child. As this person shared online, since they had a sheltered childhood, now they feel like they have trouble socializing and making friends. Like when people show interest in them, they assume it’s out of pity and not genuine connection, which ruins everything.
So, let’s just say that this mom isn’t doing her daughter a favor by keeping her from other people. The dad fears that this might go even further and she might want to take the girl away from him too.
Remember, the girl has a fear that she might never see her dad again, so what if that comes from a mom planning to move away with her? The OP thinks it’s something she could do. He doesn’t want the daughter to be hurt in any way due to parental kidnapping. After all, such events endanger a kid's safety, both physical and mental, and harm their relationship with both the abducting and non-abducting parents, and that’s just a few of the negative things it causes.
So, this dad came to Mumsnet to ask if legally she could do that. They have split custody, but he is not sure if that would stop her.
Some people online suggested he get a Prohibited Steps Order, which would prevent the woman from taking the girl away without the court's permission. A few said that maybe he should think about trying for full custody, as this mom seems possibly unstable. Others just felt sad for him.
At the same time, our interviewee gave an actual legal advice. She said that if one parent wishes to relocate, first they should seek other parent's consent: "Relocating without consent or a court order could not only damage co-parenting relationships but may also result in legal consequences, such as a recovery order to return the child to their original location. Therefore, parents should avoid making unilateral decisions and instead seek a collaborative approach or legal guidance."
Well, hopefully this dad’s fear won’t come true and the mom won’t take away his daughter. Trusting legal advice online isn’t always the best thing, but it can plant some seeds of good ideas of how to get away from the situation. So, let's hope that this post did exactly this and he'll be able to find a resolution.
So, he came to vent and ask for advice online, where people suggested he take some legal steps to prevent the mom from moving away with the daughter
