Honesty is the best policy. But sometimes we choose to forgo telling the truth in order to simplify a situation or spare someone’s feelings. “Yes, sweetie. I loved the play! Your acting was spectacular, and the writing was brilliant.”
But it’s never too late to tell the truth, especially if it’s necessary to make sure that your side of the story is heard. One mom recently reached out to Reddit detailing how she finally told her son the truth about his father’s behavior during their marriage. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared and an update from the author.
This mother shielded her son from the real reason she divorced his father for years
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
But when she found out lies were being spread about her, she decided that it's time for him to hear the truth
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Image credits: bnenin (not the actual photo)
Infidelity causes between 20%-40% of divorces
Image credits: Michael T (not the actual photo)
When getting married, no one ever imagines that their relationship might end due to cheating. How could someone betray that commitment that’s supposed to last a lifetime? Unfortunately, people do, and it’s likely even more common than you realize. According to a survey from The Institute of Family Studies, about 20% of married men and 13% of married women admit to sleeping with someone outside of their marriage.
Cheating also becomes more common with age, as 26% of men between the ages of 70 and 79 admit that they’ve cheated on their wives. Meanwhile, for women, infidelity rates peak in their 60s, as 16% of women in that age group say they’ve cheated on their spouse.
Not everyone is honest about their extramarital affairs, though. Discreet Investigations reports that a 2021 survey found that nearly half of cheaters admitted to their partner within a week that they had been unfaithful. But over a quarter waited a month, and another quarter took six months or longer to confess to their spouse.
In this particular story, it sounds like the husband was never forthcoming with his ex-wife, and she had to find out on her own that he had been unfaithful. Their marriage then became part of the 20%-40% of divorces that are linked to infidelity.
So when someone in the marriage cheats, how much should their children know about what happened? In general, parents want to shield their children from the harsh truths of the world and protect them from any painful information. But it’s likely that they’re going to have plenty of questions when Mom and Dad announce a divorce, so it’s best to be prepared and have your story straight.
Children don’t usually need to know all of the details of their parents’ divorce
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Robert B Weiss, PhD, at Psychology Today warns that without providing any details or answering any questions about the situation, your kids might start to fill in the gaps themselves. They may assume that the fighting and divorce is their fault and that there’s something they should have done differently to prevent it. It's important to make it clear that this has nothing to do with their behavior or how much you both love them.
However, they don’t need to know everything. Weiss recommends that parents first agree on what to share with their kiddos and stick to that script. While it might be tempting to let your children in on the fact that one of their parents has cheated, especially if you feel bitter towards your ex, it really isn’t any of the kids’ business.
Plus, learning information like this can immediately tarnish a child’s view of one or both parents. They might be angry at the one who cheated, permanently damaging their relationship. Or, they might become furious at the parent who revealed this information to them when they didn’t actually need to know.
In this particular situation, the mother didn’t seem to have any plans to tell her son the truth until she began hearing lies about herself. Once she found it necessary to defend herself, the truth came out. But as long as the children are old enough to understand and handle the truth, as it sounds like the son in this story is, it may be appropriate to delicately fill them in on what happened.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother did the right thing by sharing the truth with her son? Feel free to weigh in. And then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Readers poured out support for the mother, and some even shared similar experiences of their own
Later, the mom shared an update on her situation and her son's relationship with his father
