Just agree that double standards are one of the most terrifying inventions humanity has ever made. They're simply tools that allow us to distance our bad behavior from others' bad behavior. Simply because, "you don't understand, it's different!" And from this position, as it turns out, you can do anything, even commit betrayal.
Our narrator today has lived with his wife in love and harmony for 17 years, and they have three kids. But one situation, when it turned out that his wife interpreted her own family rule differently, changed everything. And their entire family life was on the brink of total collapse. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
More info: Reddit
It sometimes happens that even those closest to you tend to have "double standards" toward their own behavior and others' deeds, and the realization of the fact can be very painful
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The author of the post and his wife have been together for 17 years, and they have three kids, but a recent discovery nearly ruined their marriage
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When the spouses were just getting married, the woman introduced a rule of cutting off their exes, and the author agreed
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So he was confused and livid when it turned out that his wife's longtime male bestie was actually her old "friend with benefits"
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The man claimed he wanted a divorce, kicked the wife out, and even ordered a paternity test for all three of his kids
So, as I already said, the original poster (OP) and his wife have three children from their 17 years of marriage. Our hero says they have certainly had their ups and downs, but their family life was still rather calm and happy. And then something happened that made the man seethe on the spot and declare he wanted a divorce.
Many years ago, when the author and his wife were just getting married, she herself suggested making a rule in their family to cut off all their exes. This was quite painful for our hero because he’d dated his high school female bestie for a while, but he went along with it for love. And he expected his wife to do the same.
And then it turned out that her longtime male bestie, a guy similar to the OP in looks and build, but much more "free-spirited," a perpetual seeker of adventure and danger, was actually her "friend with benefits," and she had slept with him a couple of times, long before the wedding. The wife swore she’d always been faithful in her marriage, but the author saw red. He took her to her parents and even decided to take a paternity test.
Moreover, it turned out that the man’s sister had always known about this long-standing situation but never told her brother. So the man also called her out and cut all ties with her, even though they were the only blood relatives left in their entire family. The guy doesn't tolerate betrayal in any form, whether from his wife or his sis.
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Let's be clear right away that our society doesn't have a unified view on whether it's actually appropriate to cut ties with exes, whether they're former spouses or short-term partners. For example, this dedicated article at YouGov says that approximately 44% of Americans aren't friends with any of their exes, while 54% maintain at least “good terms” or “speaking terms.”
At the same time, people often have a rather negative perception of the situation when an ex remains their spouse's best friend. For example, the authors of this AP article reasonably claim that cutting off contact with exes helps people cope better with a breakup, but actual behavior still doesn't align with this advice.
In other words, the idea of cutting off exes is easy enough to suggest, but much more difficult to stick to throughout the years of marriage. For example, this Pew Research survey shows that 45% of married social media users have checked on their exes online at least once, so "total digital amnesia" in marriage does happen, but it's not that common. Could this be considered betrayal? Well, who knows...
Opinions in the comments were sharply divided, too. Some folks declared that the author's wife had obviously cheated, while others, on the contrary, urged him not to rush into things and try to first understand the situation and why she acted the way she did. One of our hero's close friends, recalling his childhood, said that “honest divorce” was better than pretending "for the sake of the kids."
However, the original poster later stated in an update to his post that he would try to give his wife a second chance. Firstly, the DNA test confirmed he is the father of all three kids, and secondly, it turned out that his sister had essentially manipulated his wife back then, 17 years ago, by telling her that the friend with benefits wasn't actually an ex…
So our hero decided to try to mend his broken marriage, trust his wife again, and go to couples therapy together. Let's hope everything works out for the two of them… And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story? Please feel free to leave your comments below the post.
Netizens were very divided over this case, but later the man admitted that all three kids were his, and that he decided to give their marriage a second chance
