#3 "But It's Not Like There's A Place Called Spania Filled With "Spanish" People"
"If you have only a hazy idea on a subject, or you know you haven’t invested the time to really get informed on it, you shouldn’t feel the need to have a hard opinion at all." So writes author Martin Vidal in a post titled, Why It's So Hard To Argue With Idiots.
Vidal argues that many argumentative ignorant people either have no capacity or no motivation for engaging in critical thinking, and couldn't be bothered to educate themselves. Most importantly, he says, they lack of self-awareness.
The author says it irks him when people don't take the steps needed to a certain opinion, but go on and have it loud and proud anyway. "Sometimes, unfortunately, with a great deal of enthusiasm," he writes. And you only need to scroll through this list to understand exactly what he means.
Communications expert Dr. Alan Zimmerman believes sometimes it's better not to argue with idiots. Choose your fights carefully, he advises. Zimmerman warns that you should only engage in conflict if you can answer three questions with a "yes."
You'll find those questions further down.
"The first question you ask yourself is, 'DOES A THREAT EXIST?'" advises Zimmerman. "Is that other person doing something that is getting in the way of your happiness or success?"
Often, we are triggered by things that aren't worth our energy. "Maybe your child selects a gross-colored shirt to wear. Does that threaten your success? Probably not," explains the expert. However, if a coworker is spreading rumors that threaten your success, there's a very good chance a threat may exist.
"If you can say yes, a threat exists, ask yourself a second question, 'IS IT WORTH A FIGHT?'" Zimmerman suggests. "Some things are worth fighting for, such as a happier marriage or more satisfied customers. Other things aren’t worth the hassle."
He says once you've established that a threat exists and it’s worth a fight, the final question to ask yourself is, “IF I FIGHT, CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE?”
Zimmerman advises that if you know the other person isn't going to listen to you, and if there's a good chance they won't back down, then don't bother arguing.
"Don’t waste your breath," he says. "Don’t fight that battle. You’re going to lose anyway."
For some people, arguing incessantly about anything and everything, is just part of their DNA. You can attempt to correct them until you're blue in the face, and they will not stop.
"If someone has a repeated pattern of high-conflict behavior, it may be part of their personality," explains Bill Eddy, a therapist, lawyer, mediator, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. "This means that they are very unlikely to take in any feedback from anyone else."
Eddy adds that while it may be tempting to argue with their strange logic or inappropriate behavior, it's a pointless waste of time and energy.
"They will just fight you harder as they insist on their point of view as the only valid point of view," he says. "You are not going to change how they think, so don’t bother. High conflict people rarely reflect on their own behavior and you can’t make them. It’s part of their personality."
