I believe most of us in our childhood have heard the phrase ‘When you have your own kids, you will understand’ from our moms. We didn’t really pay much attention to it then, because it was probably said during some argument and as kids, we don’t really listen that much to what parents have to say, because, you know, we are always right and don’t need to hear that mom is telling us differently.
Now, when we grow older, we face a different reality. First of all, not everybody wants to have kids, but second of all, there is a more upsetting factor - even if they want to have kids and, like mom used to say, ‘understand what it’s like’, it’s not always possible.
More info: Reddit
Infertility is a terrible thing to happen to any person who is dreaming about kids, but it’s not right to judge all parents and expect them to sit silently
Woman asked folks online if she was wrong for telling her infertile brother’s GF that it's easy to be a perfect parent without having a kid
Image credits: GrandFirefighter816
Image credits: Barbara Hobbs (not the actual photo)
Her brother's GF was constantly judging other parents, stating that her kid would never act like this
Image credits: GrandFirefighter816
Image credits: Steve Fair (not the actual photo)
After her comment that her kid would never have tantrums or wander off, the woman snapped
Image credits: GrandFirefighter816
Image credits: Harsha K R (not the actual photo)
The woman ended up being called insensitive for telling her brother's GF to come back to her with comments when she has a kid
A woman took her story to one of the most judgmental communities on Reddit asking for members' verdict on whether she was being a jerk for lashing out at her brother’s infertile girlfriend after she constantly made comments towards her parenting and kid’s behavior. The post received almost 8K upvotes and more than 1.3K comments.
She started by saying that she has a 2-year-old kid. Her brother’s girlfriend is infertile, which is a very important thing to note for the whole story to make sense. Moreover, she babysits for other kids but constantly judges parents, claiming that her kids would never throw a tantrum, which you can imagine or already know is quite a mission impossible with toddlers.
Before the main incident, there had already been a few situations when the brother's girlfriend made a comment after the author's kid started acting up in a restaurant that her kids would never throw a tantrum in the public place. However, the next day, the whole family went to the mall and the author highlighted that she always had eyes on her son.
Then the author's mum asked her a question and she turned around to speak with her, but once she turned back to her son, he was gone. As you can imagine, panic ensued and everybody started looking. A few minutes later, it turned out that he had wandered towards the pretzel cart and he was perfectly fine.
You know, all kids, once they see something nice, don't really care even if they get lost. What is getting lost anyways? In any case, her mom was calming her down, as it has happened to her and it’s okay. But then the brother's girlfriend came to interfere with a few remarks that she would have never let her kid wander off and questioned why the author was not watching him.
Now, the woman couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. She replied that it’s really easy to be a perfect parent when you don’t have any kids, and told her to come back when she has one. Well, as you may imagine, it made her upset and along with the author's brother, she went home. Later on, OP received messages from both of them saying that it was insensitive of her to say things like that knowing her situation.
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
However, community members gave the author the “Not the A-hole” badge in this situation. “You weren't referring to her inability to have biological children. You were referring to her inability to keep her yap shut,” one user wrote. “OP didn't even phrase it as a jab at her infertility, but as a clapback to her current, entitled position of judging parents without having ever been a parent,” another defended the author.
Additionally, folks were sharing their own experiences and their thoughts before and after having kids. “My aunt used to say she was fat because of all the words she had to eat about how her kids would never do that,” one commenter joked. Additionally, parents emphasized how they thought they would never let their kids eat ‘adult’ food, would never let them carry around some old tattered blanket or never lie to their children. Unfortunately, reality makes you do the opposite.
Now, for context, according to the World Health Organization, worldwide, around 1 in 6 adults, or 17.5%, struggle with infertility, demonstrating the critical need to provide access to high-quality, reasonably priced fertility care for individuals who are in need. These numbers are really upsetting; however, due to high prices, stigma in society, and limited availability, reproductive technology such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) continues to be underfunded and inaccessible to many.
Moreover, it is clear that infertility can impact relationships with not only partners but with friends and family. Healthtalk.org mentioned that women and men going through infertility often feel very isolated from their friends and society as a whole. Women shared that they found it challenging to visit a coffee shop or go shopping and pass by a baby store or to see pregnant ladies or mothers with young children.
However, after experts spoke with a few infertile people, they shared that they “felt it was very difficult for those around them to understand what it was like to go through infertility, because they hadn’t been through it themselves.”
So what do you think of this situation? Was the OP too harsh or was it not the brother’s girlfriend's place to make such a judgment?
Folks in the comment section backed the author up in this situation
