Helping during a crisis, bailing them out during a bad patch of life, or simply being with them when they need someone: the things we do for family! As we love them wholeheartedly, we promise them everything that they want. But what happens when these promises are broken? Does the family turn on you even when you think you are right to break them?
We find out from this Redditor who promised her brother that she would be an egg donor for him and his husband. But when he cheated and married the second husband, she backed out from her promise. What followed was her brother and family accusing her and telling her not to go back on her words.
More info: Reddit
Woman promised to be an egg donor for her brother and his husband as they wanted the baby to be biologically related to them and she loved them both
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
But her brother cheated on his husband and within three months got married to his affair partner, which everyone was fine with except the woman
Image credits: u/Accomplished-Pair656
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
So, when her brother asked her to get tested for the egg donation, she refused as she felt what he did was wrong and his ex was still suffering after three years
Image credits: u/Accomplished-Pair656
Her brother called her out for breaking her promise and the family supported him, including her husband, so she asked Redditors whether she was at fault
In this story, Reddit user Accomplished-Pair656 narrated why she broke a promise to her brother. Growing up, she was very close to him. He is gay and he married their close friend whom they had known since kindergarten. They dated for 15 years before marriage and they always dreamed of becoming parents. But they wanted the kid to be biologically related to them, and as she loved them both, she agreed to be their egg donor, which was really nice of her. However, it was just a verbal agreement and they didn’t do any tests as they were not in a rush to have kids.
For their anniversary, the husband wanted to renovate an old beach house, while the man thought it was a waste of money but decided to go ahead with it anyway. So, they hired an architect and started the work. After a while, they noticed that the brother was suddenly very interested in the idea. Turns out, he was having an affair with the architect and dumped his husband before the work was finished. The husband was extremely hurt, and to top it off, the brother married the architect just three months after the divorce.
The original poster (OP) was baffled by everything that was going on. She was shocked that the family was also welcoming the homewrecker. What bothered her more was the fact that her brother and his new husband felt that they had not hurt anyone. All this knowing that the ex-husband was still devastated even after three years and going through some issues. This behavior really made the woman distance herself from the couple because she loved the ex-husband and felt bad that this happened to him.
One day, her brother came to her and said that they were ready to be parents and she should go and get tested. He had expected that his sister would keep her promise despite his actions. But she refused. She said, “My promise is no longer valid since you decided to cheat and I don’t feel comfortable giving my egg.” She felt that it had become personal as it didn’t fit in with her morals.
The brother must’ve been shocked as he didn’t expect this. He said that her actions were not fair and that having a baby had meant a lot to him. He even went ahead and accused her of “breaking her promise”. And it was not just him. Her family, including her husband, felt that she should not break her promise this way as it was important to the brother.
The woman expressed herself online, asking the netizens whether she was in the wrong. She also mentioned that she didn’t want to do this to the ex-husband, who was her close friend, as it was supposed to be his child.
Image credits: Wallace Araujo (not the actual photo)
In the US, only 12% of all IVF cycles involve eggs retrieved from a donor. The fact that the woman agreed to be their donor was in itself a big thing. So, just like the Redditors said, whether she does go ahead with it or not is completely up to her as it’s her body. One of them mentioned how complicated IVF is and if she has to go through it, of course, she gets a say in whether she does it or not. And according to netizens, she’s technically not breaking any promise as she had promised him a baby with his ex, not the new husband.
Some of them also felt that the brother was being a complete hypocrite. He was accusing her of “breaking her promise” when he himself broke his marital promise by cheating on his husband. Sadly, 25% of married men have affairs, but researchers also say that this number could be higher as people hesitate to speak about it. So, even if the brother’s behavior was not uncommon, it was definitely hurtful to his ex and sister.
A few Redditors also spoke about the ex-husband and how sorry they felt for him. As per MentalHelp.Net, “Discovering that one's spouse has cheated is a devastating experience for most people. Common reactions include rage, rejection, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal, and despair. Sometimes disbelief accompanies all of this because it is difficult to accept given the depth and emotional involvement that intimacy brings with it. This also arouses feelings of self-doubt.”
From what OP has narrated, the ex-husband really seemed to be going through a lot. And the fact that he has issues even three years after the incident just tells us how deeply the infidelity and divorce impacted him. Research also suggests that this impact can be long-term as the one affected might find it difficult to trust people in the future.
The poster also felt bad for the ex as she cared a lot about him and the couple’s belief that they did no wrong after causing so much hurt really bothered a lot of people online. Below are their comments. But before you scroll to those, we want to ask your thoughts on the matter. Do you think what the woman did was right? Don’t forget to let us know in the comments!
Netizens supported her and called out her brother's hypocrisy for breaking his marital promise by cheating, they even expressed their sympathy for the ex
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano (not the actual photo)
