There isn’t exactly a right or wrong way to grieve, and people might just do whatever feels best to them in the moment. This can become a problem if they decide to remarry, but they still can’t seem to get over the person they lost, which might make their new love feel second best.
This is what one man faced when his fiancée came up with elaborate plans to be implemented in their wedding so that she could honor the boyfriend she lost. This made the man feel like he was going to be sharing his special day with a ghost.
More info: Reddit
When it comes to grief, people might do all sorts of things to pay tribute, but they must also be mindful of the feelings of the other people in their life
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that he and his partner had been together for four years, and that before that, she had lost her previous boyfriend
Image credits: sananimtiaz383 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since the couple was planning their wedding, the woman said she wanted to have her boyfriend’s urn near the altar, his photo at the reception, and to wear his ashes
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man felt uncomfortable with his fiancée going to such great lengths to honor the boyfriend she lost, as he felt he’d be “sharing” his big day
Image credits: Federal-Valuable1728
Instead of comforting her partner, the woman blew up at him, which made him reevaluate everything and put the engagement on pause
Since the poster and his girlfriend had dated for four years and had been engaged for eight months, they had a good understanding of each other. That’s why, when the woman mentioned that she wanted to honor the boyfriend she lost at their wedding, the man understood her grief and didn’t think too much of it.
According to experts, it can be extremely touching to honor loved ones you have lost at weddings or special events. The best way to do this is by displaying their photographs so other people can pay their respects, or even by reserving them a seat at the main table so that they are acknowledged.
Unfortunately, in this case, the grieving woman had several ways that she wanted to honor her boyfriend, which left the poster shocked. She expected a photo of him to be displayed at the reception, his urn to be placed right near the altar, and she also wanted to wear a necklace with his ashes on it during the ceremony.
Although these are beautiful ways to pay respects to a lost loved one, they can definitely make one’s partner feel like second best. That’s why wedding advisors state that people should first focus on their spouse-to-be and not go overboard honoring the partner they lost, as this can overshadow the purpose of the big day.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Since the man felt so uncomfortable with his grieving fiancée’s suggestions, he talked to her about it, but she didn’t seem to understand his perspective at all. Instead, she called him out for being “jealous” and “insecure,” which baffled him because he just didn’t want to have to share his big day.
It can certainly be tough for widowed people to “move on” from the partner that they lost, which is why they might find themselves constantly comparing their new relationship to their old one. That’s why professionals state that it’s important for widowers to understand that by loving someone new, they don’t lose out on the connection they had with the person they lost.
The problem is that the woman didn’t seem to understand this, and she probably felt that the poster was undermining her decision. That’s why she kept arguing with him, and he eventually got frustrated and decided to put a pause on their engagement so that he could think things through.
Obviously, neither the OP nor his fiancée must have expected to find themselves in such a situation, but it’s clear that they both needed to get on the same page. It’s possible that if they calmly discuss the matter and hear each other out, they might be able to come to a compromise that satisfies them both.
Whose side are you on in this situation? Do share your honest thoughts in the comments and any suggestions that you might have.
People sided with the poster and felt that his fiancée was going a bit too far in the ways that she wanted to honor the boyfriend she lost
