A relationship that frequently breeds ire is that of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because we have heard some pretty crazy stories about it. Don’t you think it’s high time that this archetype is destroyed and families just start being good to each other?
Alas, it’s easier said than done! I mean, just look at the original poster (OP), who was so blinded by how her son was the one at fault and didn’t really care about her, but she conveniently put the blame on her daughter-in-law who was simply trying to include her in everything.
More info: Mumsnet
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still creates ire to this day
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster's son treats her like an acquaintance or a distant family member while her daughter-in-law wants to be included in everything
Image credits: MySunnyMoose
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She feels that she doesn't have a proper relationship with her son as she hears everything big about his life from his wife, and this bothers her
Image credits: MySunnyMoose
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She doesn't want to include her daughter-in-law in everything, so she gets souvenirs and birthday gifts only for her son, which hurts his wife
Image credits: MySunnyMoose
The poster doesn't like including her daughter-in-law in everything and wants to have a separate relationship with her son
Today, we dive into another story about the dramatic bond between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law, which appalled netizens. What happened is that OP feels that her son treats her like an acquaintance or a distant family member, while her daughter-in-law wants to be included in everything.
She feels that her daughter-in-law can be overpowering, which waters down her relationship with her son. She narrates how her son never calls her so it’s always OP who contacts him and when he doesn’t respond to her texts, she loops in his wife, who actually responds.
In fact, OP finds out everything that’s going on in her son’s life all because of his wife, who sincerely communicates it to her and tries to include her in everything. Apparently, OP doesn’t like this as she feels people should be 2 separate entities even after getting married, and she just wants to have a real relationship with her son.
She also tells us that whenever she travels she buys souvenirs for her son but not for his wife, so it’s natural for her to feel upset. However, OP doesn’t agree. She argues that surely parents would do much more for their own kids, just like how her daughter-in-law wouldn’t treat her like her own mother.
While she narrated many instances, what really triggered OP to vent online was when the couple announced their pregnancy to her, as she was offended that they did it together. She claims that she prefers to hear the big things in her son’s life from him, rather than the couple or from his wife.
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It has been observed that women report having more conflict with their daughters-in-law than their own daughters. The researchers suggested that these conflicts may be “influenced by genetic conflict” as each person “unconsciously acts in the interest of their genetic kin” instead of in each individual’s best interest.
Looking at the research, it throws light on why the poster is blinded by the fact that her son doesn’t really care while her daughter-in-law is putting all the effort into including her, just like netizens claimed. They clearly stated that she has a “son problem”, not a “daughter-in-law problem”.
Many folks pointed out that they found it strange how she was triggered by the pregnancy news as it was a shared joy for the couple, so they were bound to announce it together. They also found it upsetting that the poster purposely didn’t bring any souvenirs or birthday gifts for her daughter-in-law when the poor woman has been putting so much effort into including her in their lives.
Research shows that many women report tension in their relationship with their mother-in-law, a conflict that is associated with increased marital dissatisfaction. Netizens narrated how her partiality and interference in the couple’s life might turn things bitter for them, and some even advised her to lay low a little and not constantly bother the couple.
Life coach Janet Quinlan advises, “As a mother-in-law, you can choose to see faults, failings—all the negative aspects of your son’s wife, and she can choose to see all your faults and failings. If we’re in competition with each other, that’s what we’ll do.”
“However, when we choose to focus on the faults and failings, we choose not to see their gifts and talents. If we control our thoughts to choose only the ones that serve us rather than the easy ones of criticism or self-doubt, we will nurture a relationship rather than sabotage it.”
Do you agree or disagree with the verdict of netizens? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Folks were baffled by her and told her that she has a "son problem", while her daughter-in-law is just trying to include her in everything
