I'm sitting here on Christmas Day contemplating my life. No matter what I do I am trapped. The despair I feel is not just a dream. All the presents bring me, is a temporary happiness. Yes, I like them. Yes, I will enjoy the candy. But... It's not true happiness. Thus, I'm still sad. Still hurting, still me. I found a few days ago, that I am never truly free. Never completely 'sober'. And that's fine. I'd rather be 'drunk' on anti-depressants, than be 'sober' for three minutes before I kill myself. Because I'm scared of, me. I don't want to be free. I came to this conclusion one day after work. And I wrote a poem to go with it.
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I am bound by chains to the Earth.
Several locks adorn them.
The keys are in reach, they've always been in reach.
And I've held them a few times.
Even stuck the key in the lock.
But I've never fully unlocked them.
The chains that bind me and tie me to the ground, keep me grounded.
Keep me sane.
Each lock is something that holds back a piece of me.
A part of me that holds great pain.
I do not wish to be free.
I do not wish to hold me in my entirety.
I do not wish to be unbound.
That's why these keys lay unused in front of me.
I do not wish to be free.
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That's all I feel like sharing today. So, Merry Christmas. Have a good day/night everyone!
Bath Buddies!!!
