The decision to give your child up for adoption is a difficult and deeply personal one. Nobody can do it for you. Whatever you choose to do, nobody is in a position to judge you if they haven’t been in your shoes.
An anonymous woman opened up to the AITA online group about how she had given up her baby for adoption after getting pregnant as a teenager. Now, sixteen years later, she ran into her ex who had abandoned her. The man began guilt-tripping her for supposedly denying him his chance at fatherhood but got shut down.
Now, the woman turned to the internet to get a verdict on whether she handled the situation right. You’ll find the full story below. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story to hear more about what happened. She was kind enough to answer our questions. You'll find our full interview with her, including why people must stop forcing their ideals on young mothers-to-be, and instead support them.
Teenage pregnancy can be very scary, especially if your partner abandons you
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An anonymous woman revealed how her ex confronted her 16 years after she gave her baby up for adoption
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Around a quarter of people living in the US know a relative or friend who has adopted
The Adoption Network explains that between 2% to 4% of adults living in the United States have adopted a child. Around half of these families have both biological and adopted children.
Overall, around 5 million Americans are adopted, including children adopted by relatives or stepparents. Around 115k adoptions took place in the US in 2019, according to a study conducted by the National Council of Adoption. This number included foster care, stepparent, and private placement adoptions.
As per a 2019 YouGov survey, a quarter of respondents had a friend or family member who was adopted. Meanwhile, 24% of people said that they had considered adopting a child at some point in their lives.
Referring to the US Department of Health and Human Services’ data, The Adoption Network notes that there are almost 114k foster children eligible for adoption. 54.2k foster kids were adopted in 2021 alone.
However, there are around 391k kids in foster care in the US overall, with 214k new individuals entering the system in 2022.
The average child waiting for adoption is almost 8 years old, while 52% of children who enter foster care were aged 6 or older in 2019.
Roughly 60% of kids spend between two to five years in the system before finally being adopted while 11% spend five or more years. The sad reality is that some children are never adopted at all.
"People need to stop forcing their ideals on young mothers-to-be, especially teens who get accidentally pregnant. They need support, not judgmental comments"
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We asked the author of the story for her thoughts on why her ex insisted on wanting to be a father now of all times. "I don't know. Mike has never reached out to me in the past since I told him I was pregnant. The only contact I had was from his parents telling me Mike had left out of state because he had a bright future that the baby and I wouldn't ruin," she opened up to Bored Panda.
"That was the last time I ever heard from him. I suspect he felt guilt when he saw me with my stepson and thought 'Oh, that's the family I missed out on.' But who knows."
The author shared some practical advice with any moms who find themselves in a situation similar to hers. "My advice is simple: Any mom regardless of age should do what she feels is best for herself. Not what others expect of them. For me, it was putting the child up for adoption," she said.
"I would never shame someone for choosing abortion or to raise the child. Those are valid and brave options. So long as it is respecting their own lives and not bringing a child into the world to suffer or be mistreated, then it should be the mother's decision. Unless the father is involved, then it's a joint decision."
According to the author, honesty is the key to maintaining proper boundaries with one's child and adoptive parents. "My bio-child was 13 when we talked about me being his biological mother. He had some hard questions and I never lied. I told him I wasn't ready to be his mother and I couldn't give him the love and care he deserved. But I know people who already loved him even before birth. Those were the people meant to be his parents."
She added that "people need to stop forcing their ideals on young mothers-to-be, especially teens who get accidentally pregnant."
The author continued: "They need support, not judgmental comments. With the right support and guidance, they can push forward in life. I finished college and I have a professional life despite finishing high school in home school because I was pregnant."
You cannot abandon someone, ignore them for years, and then suddenly have a change of heart without ringing alarm bells
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Most often, life doesn’t turn out like in the movies. The challenges you face are far more complicated and there usually aren’t neat resolutions. But in some cases, you’ll find that there are kind, caring, and supportive people around you who are willing to lend a helping hand when you need it the most.
This is what happened in the viral story author’s case. She shared how her parents and their family friends came together to make the adoption process as smooth and pain-free as possible. They also allowed the woman to remain in her birth child’s life as a ‘special aunt.’ So, she was able to develop a relationship of sorts with her son throughout the years, while also being mindful not to overstep any boundaries.
Unfortunately, not everyone is mindful of other people’s boundaries. Case in point, the author’s ex began guilt-tripping her for giving up their child for adoption, even though he was the one who left her to fend for herself when pregnant.
He had 16 years to show any interest in the woman and child’s welfare, but he only spoke up when he accidentally ran into her. Overall, this shows that he likely isn’t genuine about wanting to be a father. He might potentially be playing the situation up for attention or to look like the victim for other purposes.
The cherry on top is that the man called out his ex for giving up the child for adoption on social media. However, he didn’t quite get the reaction he was hoping for. While some folks stood up for him, many other people in his social circle were quick to point out that he was in no position to say anything, as he made the decision to abandon his pregnant girlfriend.
What are your thoughts about the entire situation, dear Pandas? Do you think the woman handled everything the right way or would you have done anything differently if you were in her shoes? Do you know anyone who has been adopted or has adopted a child? How would you react if an ex suddenly started forcing their way back into your life?
As the story went viral, the author went into more detail about the context of her sensitive situation
The vast majority of people who read the tale came out in support of the woman
Not everyone understood the context the same way. Here's their overly judgmental take
In navigating difficult family dynamics, the importance of understanding and respecting boundaries is crucial. The story of a mother who dealt with an unsupportive ex-partner reflects the nuances of familial relationships, much like the experiences of dealing with a stubborn family member during a family gathering.
In both cases, individuals find a sense of balance and peace, sometimes through unexpected acts or unintended responsibilities, comparable to how a baby became an unwitting agent of retaliation.
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.