Divorce is often seen as a clean break after which exes and their families never have to speak to each other again. But in reality, that’s rarely the case, especially when children are involved. For their sake, the channels of communication between ex-spouses and their families are usually kept open, which poses many challenges but can be manageable with the right boundaries in place.
This woman didn’t mind keeping in contact with her former MIL and letting her visit grandchildren, even after she was assigned full custody. But what she didn’t like was her showing up unannounced, something she had told her, only to be completely ignored.
Even after a divorce, parents often have to keep in contact with their ex and their families for the sake of their children
Image credits: GaudiLab / Envato (not the actual photo)
This mom wouldn't have minded that if only her MIL could've respected her boundaries
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Image credits: bialasiewicz / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: JaqueSarai
Staying connected with former in-laws is a matter of personal preference
Image credits: Helena Lopes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Whether to maintain contact with the ex’s family or not is completely a personal choice. Even if they have kids who are involved in a divorce, parents aren’t legally required to keep in touch with their children’s grandparents or other relatives. Unless they can prove that the child is endangered, they can file for custody or visitation in court.
But besides that, as previously mentioned, staying connected with in-laws is a matter of personal preference. In case a divorced parent chooses to maintain contact with the ex-spouse’s family, they might run into some issues, which are expected, as divorce is challenging for everyone, even the extended family, so it can take some time to adjust to the new dynamic.
What can help their encounters is setting some boundaries. “Be clear about your intentions and expectations when it comes to staying in touch with your former in-laws. If you want to maintain a relationship, let them know and discuss what that might look like. Being upfront will help avoid misunderstandings and keep everyone on the same page,” advise divorce and family law attorneys at the Law Offices of Tina Sharma.
It’s also important to note that it’s necessary to approach this conversation with empathy, as feelings may still be raw for all parties involved in the divorce. When setting boundaries, divorce and family law attorneys at the Law Offices of Tina Sharma recommend trying to consider topics such as:
- How often will you interact with your former in-laws?
- Whether you will attend family gatherings together.
- What topics of conversation are off-limits, such as the divorce or your relationship with your ex-spouse?
“I see raising kids without grandparents as an opportunity to foster independence and resilience"
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Maintaining a relationship with former in-laws can be meaningful, as their absence can have a negative impact on both the kids and the parents.
“Children might miss out on the experience of learning family history firsthand or receiving the unconditional support often provided by grandparents,” says Kristie Tse, LMHC, psychotherapist and founder at Uncover Mental Health Counseling. “From a parent's perspective, there is the challenge of handling everything without the additional help and wisdom grandparents can offer.
That said, there are times when it might be better to part ways with former in-laws. Sometimes a separation from them can be just as important and beneficial to one's well-being as keeping in touch with them.
“If [grandparents’] absence is due to a choice on the family's part to set a boundary around toxic behavior, the stress might be mitigated instead,” says licensed psychotherapist Lauren Farina.
“I see raising kids without grandparents as an opportunity to foster independence and resilience,” Tse adds. “This exposure to a wider range of influences can actually enrich their emotional intelligence. It also encourages me to cultivate a wider network of support, which brings fresh perspectives and innovative solutions to parenting challenges.”
So it all depends on what a particular situation is. Keeping in touch with former in-laws can be beneficial to divorced parents and their children, but if they exhibit toxic behavior, families may benefit even more by choosing to take a step back.
Most readers sided with the mom
While some thought she was in the wrong here
