Past romantic relationships can be difficult to get over; yet sometimes it’s not even one of the partners that seemingly can’t keep the ex out of their minds.
Redditor u/slapwerks recently told the ‘Petty Revenge’ community about his ex’s husband who couldn’t forget his wife’s former partner even years after the couple’s relationship ended. To make matters worse, the woman’s current husband left online media posts regarding the OP, which got his “petty revenge thoughts brewing”.
Forgetting an ex might be more difficult for some than it is for others
Image credits: vadymvdrobot (not the actual photo)
The husband of this man’s ex couldn’t leave the guy alone even years after the couple’s relationship ended
Image credits: maria_symchychnavr (not the actual photo)
Image source: slapwerks
Some people stay on good terms with their former partners, while for others it would be as close to torture as it gets
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Getting over someone you shared beautiful moments with is often easier said than done. Even in cases when people end things on good terms—as the OP and his former partner seemingly did—there might still be sores that need time to heal. Research suggests that seeing one’s partner after a breakup can evoke similar stimulation to feeling actual pain.
“Our brains appear to process relationship breakups in the same regions as physical pain. This doesn't, however, mean that romantic rejection causes actual physical pain. Rather, your brain is signaling that both are important events to pay attention to,” psychologist, author, and speaker Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., explained in Psychology Today.
She also pointed out that when rejected, some people might start to think obsessively about their former partner, sometimes even “craving” them. Dr. Greenberg referred to another study, which revealed that viewing pictures of former partners activated the ventral tegmental area, the nucleus accumbens, and orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex, all of which relate to the feeling of craving.
“These areas are associated with reward and motivation, specifically, the release of dopamine that is also seen in drug addiction,” the psychologist clarified. “Therefore, people may experience cravings for their ex-partner similarly to the way addicts crave a drug they are withdrawing from. This can lead to intense distress and physiological as well as psychological discomfort.”
When it comes to missing people who were once a significant part of one’s life, it doesn’t have to be a picture to evoke strong emotions. Licensed marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec suggests that a breakup is a loss, which is why it’s normal that certain details can elicit sadness. “You may expect them to get fewer or less intense over time, but unexpectedly you may get a tidal wave of emotions when reminded of a memory, experience, even a smell, song, or just the temperature of a certain day can trigger us of a loss.”
Sporadic memories or waves of emotion related to previous relationships can occur even when people are in a new relationship; and that in no way means they are unhappy with the current arrangement. Research suggests that keeping in touch with one’s ex doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem between current partners; however, it might become one if the ex is viewed as a backup in case the ongoing relationship fails.
Even if a person is okay with staying in touch with their ex, their new partner might not be
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
While for some people, a thought of their ex alone is as “joyful” as touching a burning-hot pan, others find a way to remain friends and stay in touch without any negative outcomes. However, such instances might not sit well with their new partners, as similar situations can lead to outbursts of jealousy.
“Feeling jealous about your partner’s past is a common experience for many people,” a licensed mental health counselor, Monica Miner, told Psych Central. “When jealousy is intense, it can make you feel like you are losing control of your emotions and you may even act out in destructive ways.”
Known as retroactive jealousy, such an emotion often occurs when the person is upset about their partner’s romantic history, despite whether their partner is in touch with their ex or not. Psych Central emphasized that there can be numerous root causes for feeling this way, from low self-esteem to insecure attachment styles, or past experiences of infidelity, among others.
Retroactive jealousy might have been what encouraged the ex’s husband to take action on social media, targeting the OP despite him having arguably no contact with the man’s wife. A 2018 study suggested that social media—social networking sites (SNSs) in particular—present an interesting context for examining retroactive jealousy, as people can learn quite a few things about their significant others or their former partners there, or view traces of their relationship history if any.
The research concluded that “retroactive jealousy may result from digital remnants of a partner’s past romantic relationships, social comparison to a partner’s exes or prior relationships, and uncertainty about the current relationship.” It is difficult to determine what exactly led to the ex’s husband’s actions, yet the motive for the OP’s retaliation was clear—it was petty revenge, and a case quite a few fellow redditors seemingly enjoyed.
The OP responded to some of the redditors’ thoughts in the comments
Fellow netizens shared ideas of other ways to deal with the ex’s husband
One opened up about a similar experience
