When we say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the apple tree, we mean that our parents still remain for us, even unconsciously, a kind of role model. Even if they are infinitely far from ideal. Even if in childhood we vowed to ourselves not to be like them in any way.
Our story today is also from the same category. Its author, the user u/AutomaticRead3217, said the proverb about the apple tree and the apple to her ex-husband literally in the heat of a moment, but she turned out to be damn right. Well, let's now judge for ourselves what happened here!
More info: Reddit
The author of the post got divorced from her husband 4 years ago when their daughter was just 1 year old
Image credits: George Pak (not the actual photo)
It turned out that the woman's ex fell in love with another woman and left the family for her
Image credits: u/AutomaticRead3217
Since then the guy has met his daughter just 11 times in 4 years, regularly breaking his own promises to visit her
Image credits: Clem Onojeghuo (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/AutomaticRead3217
The same situation repeated this time - and then the mom's patience ran out and she snapped at the hapless dad
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/AutomaticRead3217
The woman even told him that in spite of constantly claiming that he wouldn't be like his own abusive dad, the man is actually following in his footsteps
So, the Original Poster (OP) had been together with her husband for 6 years, and when their daughter was one year old, the guy left the family. Just like in a hackneyed cliché from an old melodrama - the woman returned home from the grocery store, the guy's closet was empty, and there was a note on the table saying he had fallen in love with someone else and was leaving for her.
Well, the author of the post turned out to be a strong person, and this problem didn't break her. During the divorce, the father tried to fight for full custody over their daughter (even though by the time of the court hearing he hadn't seen the girl for almost six months), but the court sided with the mother. At least because the dad was in the military and moved regularly.
And now we are doing a timeskip to today. The OP’s daughter is already five, her bio dad married his former mistress and now, although he remains in military service, he serves at the same base. And the hapless dad has seen his daughter only 11 times in 4 years. Yes, that’s right, the author of the post calculated everything!
Moreover, more than once the situation was such that the dad himself said that he would come over soon, made a promise to the daughter - but at the last moment he avoided fulfilling it. And not just once, not twice, not a dozen times. As a result, the girl was incredibly upset every time, and now, according to the mom's words, she's even undergoing therapy because of this.
So this time, the guy promised that he'd come for his daughter on Saturday morning, but on Friday night he called the OP again and said that he couldn't be there. Moreover, in his own words, his new wife was jealous over his time with the kid. You heard right, for communicating with his 5-year-old daughter less than three times a year!
Needless to say, the mom’s patience ran out, and she angrily told her ex-husband everything she thought about him. About how their daughter was forced to skip dad days in preschool to avoid awkward questions. About how upset she was seeing other kids with their own dads. And the fact that the ex, although he has said more than once that he doesn't want to repeat the life path of his abusive dad, is in fact exactly following in his footsteps.
Apparently, this was a kind of trigger for the guy - because he fell silent for a couple of seconds, then said: “Jesus Christ” and ended the call. A lot of time has passed since then, and the woman hasn't contacted him again. She doesn’t regret at all that she said all these words, but she doubts herself a little - was she being cruel and unnecessary by reminding her ex of his horrible dad?
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Well, the problem of divorce in the modern world is more relevant than ever - especially considering the statistics. Thus, according to the numbers given on the website of Bowling Green State University, the adjusted divorce rate in the U.S., which had peaked in 2009 for the 21st century, and since then had a downward trend, is growing again in the new decade with 14.6 divorces per 1,000 married women by the end of 2022.
As for the custody over children after divorce, in recent years there has been a steady national trend towards equal parent time. Thus, according to a study conducted by CustodyXChange, a well-established parent time management software manufacturer, legislatures in 20 states have been considering legislative changes in order to foster increased opportunities for shared custody. However, this certainly doesn't apply to fathers like the ex-husband of the original poster...
People in the comments to the original post subjected the man to devastating criticism - even taking into account the fact that during the first year of his daughter’s life, and even earlier, according to the author herself, he seemed like the nicest dad - but everything changed over time. "Well, doesn't sound like you said anything that was untrue. He is like his father. He is a bad father," one of the commenters wrote sincerely.
Also, some commenters do believe that the reason could be in the influence of the man's new wife on him. "I'm confused as to who would actually want to be with a woman who gets jealous of a child," one commenter pondered. "Looking forward to the update where he leaves his current wife and tries to get back with OP," another person added sarcastically. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story?
People in the comments sided with the woman and claimed that her ex-husband is really a bad father and she was maybe cruel but right
