One psychologist described an open marriage as “a slippery slope,” where literally one wrong step threatens to plunge the entire marriage into the abyss. This is especially true if one of the spouses is emotionally immature and the desire to open the marriage is not mutual but imposed by one of the parties.
Well, the author of our story today found herself in a very unpleasant situation where she was forced to endure her husband's humiliating manipulation for a whole year. He blackmailed her with divorce to open the marriage, and then, when she found the strength to walk out, he started bad-mouthing her heavily. Anyway, let's just move on to the story.
More info: Reddit
An open marriage, despite its attractiveness for some folks, could in fact be quite a dangerous thing for your marriage, even with mutual consent
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author of the post was forced into an open marriage by her husband a year ago, as he blackmailed her with a divorce
Image credits: Nini FromParis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After a year of the humiliating experience, the woman decided to walk out and found a new job with the help of her bestie
Image credits: Sandy Millar / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It was the bestie's brother's company, and the woman was a great specialist, so she passed the interview easily
Image credits: ThrowRA77837
However, the husband then started accusing the wife of... infidelity, spreading rumors left and right about her allegedly sleeping with her new boss
So, the original poster (OP) is 27 years old, and for the last five years she’s been in a relationship with her soon-to-be ex-husband, who is 10 years her senior. The couple married 3 years ago, and some time later, the husband literally forced our heroine to open their marriage. Yes, he directly presented the OP with a choice: either an open marriage or divorce. And she agreed...
The woman actually had little choice, as her spouse had previously literally forced her to quit her job, even though, in her own words, she had a higher earning potential. Now the author understands that this was simply a manifestation of his controlling behavior, but that doesn't make it any easier.
The lady held out for a year, despite the experience being so disrespectful and even humiliating for her. Eventually, she reconnected with her bestie, with whom she’d previously broken up at her husband's insistence, and she persuaded her to dump him and go back to work. The friend advised the OP to apply for a job at her brother's company, and she successfully passed the interview.
And now, when the spouse felt his control over his wife was slipping, he resorted to bad-mouthing her left and right. The man spread rumors that she was sleeping with her new boss, and some of their mutual friends and acquaintances even began urging the woman to "stop cheating" and "go back to her husband, such a nice guy." So the OP took this online, seeking support.
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Experts do say that an open marriage, although a fairly popular option for many couples in recent years, still remains quite controversial. For example, this 2023 survey by YouGov notes that 55% of Americans prefer complete monogamy, while only 12% admitted to having intimate relationships with other people with the consent of their spouse or primary partner.
At the same time, 67% of respondents say they aren’t ready for their partner to have intimate relationships with others. Psychologists also warn that open marriages are dangerous if the couple is already experiencing a relationship crisis. In this case, it doesn't solve the problem; on the contrary, it only worsens the situation. In any case, we're talking about an open marriage based on mutual consent.
For example, the author of this article at Psychology Today rightly notes that if a partner agrees to an open marriage not of their own free will, but under pressure – for example, to preserve the marriage – then this arrangement is clearly toxic and unstable. And the behavior of the original poster's husband after she walked out is further proof of this.
People in the comments also massively supported the original poster, urging her to get divorced as soon as possible. In any case, according to many commenters here, those friends who sided with her toxic husband aren't really her true friends, so she just has to go on building her life. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Most commenters just urged the woman to get a divorce from this toxic man and to build her life anew
