“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Juliet might have spoken some wise words there, but many nowadays would disagree, as plenty of people consider their name to be incredibly important. Whether you love the name your parents gave you or you were thrilled to change it at the first opportunity, we tend to put a lot of thought into what we call ourselves and others.
And one woman has recently received some pressure to change her surname so that it doesn’t match her ex-husband’s anymore. Below, you’ll find the full story that was posted on the Am I Overreacting subreddit, as well as a conversation with the author.
This woman had no intention of changing her name after her divorce
Image credits: vukasinlj81 (not the actual photo)
But now, her ex's girlfriend is pressuring her to start using her maiden name again
Image credits: voronaman111 (not the actual photo)
Image source: Oatmeal_Bar_7950
"I can be a little passive sometimes, and it helped me to feel justified in my decision and confident when communicating that to them"
To find out more about this story, we got in touch with the author, Reddit user Oatmeal_Bar_7950. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and provide some additional details about her situation.
"I haven't really posted an update because it's not too exciting," the author says. "I let her know I wouldn't be making the [name change] via text. My ex texted me and made it clear they aren't happy about it, but after bringing up his child support debt, he laid off."
We were also curious about how well the author knows her ex's partner. "They've been dating a little while, but I don't know her well at all to be honest," she shared. "My ex went about 10 months without seeing our daughter at all when they first started dating. [He] only started seeing her again late last year and just started getting her on a regular schedule this year. I got the vibe that she wasn't my biggest fan, but all of our interactions had been brief and amicable up to this point."
Finally, Oatmeal_Bar_7950 shared her thoughts on the replies to her post. "I found [them] to be very helpful and validating. I can be a little passive sometimes, and it helped me to feel justified in my decision and confident when communicating that to them."
The vast majority of married women today still take their husband’s last name
Image credits: Hananeh Reisi (not the actual photo)
It’s certainly not a requirement to have the same surname as your spouse, especially in this day and age. But many people still choose to change their last name after tying the knot for a variety of reasons. In fact, the Pew Research Center found that 79% of women in the United States who married men took their spouse’s last name.
While this tradition originally started because a married woman was essentially her husband’s property and had almost no rights of her own, some women today still choose to take their spouse’s name for practical and sentimental reasons. Brides.com notes that many couples find it romantic to have matching surnames, as it’s another way for the couple to signify their devotion to each other.
Some brides also simply prefer their husband’s last name. If it sounds nicer, is easier to spell or flows well with their first name, they might be happy to give up their maiden name.
At the same time, this can allow for the entire family to all share the same surname if they end up having children, which might make all of their lives easier. It can be tricky traveling with kids who don’t share the same name as both parents, so this can definitely simplify certain situations.
Women are entitled to keep their married name if they so choose, even after a divorce
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
But what happens when a couple divorces? According to Graziano & Flynn, PC, it’s perfectly legal for a divorcee to keep their married name after ending their marriage. In fact, this is quite common for several reasons. As the author of this post noted, our names are often tied to our professional identities and careers. It can be confusing for clients, companies or colleagues if someone’s name suddenly changes.
It can also come down to simple emotional ties and personal preference. If someone has been living with their married name for years and has gotten accustomed to it, they might not have any desire to return to their maiden name. And, as mentioned in this story, it’s common for parents to want to keep the same last name as their children.
On the other hand, some divorcees might feel the desire to change their last name to have a fresh start and create a clean break from their ex. They might want to create emotional distance from their past marriage by shedding the name that they associated with it, and changing their surname back to their maiden name might be an empowering way to reclaim their identity.
However, this should be entirely up to the individual. LegalZoom notes that no one can legally force their ex-spouse to change their last name, so there’s no point in trying to pressure them to do so.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman is right to refuse to change her surname? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing name change drama right here.
Readers assured the woman that she was not overreacting and urged her to keep her name
Some even had similar stories of their own to share
