Divorce can be incredibly messy. And the sad reality is that your ex-partner might try to wreck your life to make you as miserable as possible. However, if you’ve got your wits about you, you can protect yourself from their attempts… and have a ton of fun in the process.
As it turns out, revenge doesn’t have to be served cold: you can serve it sizzling with a side of enjoyment. Redditor u/DittoJ shared a witty story about getting divorced from her husband, who had tried to land her in jail by lying in divorce court about all the ‘missing’ items at their home. Thankfully, one of the OP’s close friends had a brilliant idea on how to solve the issue and get back at the ex all at once. Scroll down for the full story.
We got in touch with the author of the post, u/DittoJ, and she was kind enough to answer our questions. You'll find Bored Panda's full interview with the OP as you read on. Bored Panda also wanted to learn about handling divorce amicably, so we reached out to the team at Relate, the largest provider of relationship support in England and Wales which helps millions of people strengthen their relationships every year. Ammanda Major, the Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice at Relate, was kind enough to shed some light on this.
One woman decided to divorce her husband, but he tried to get back at her by lying in divorce court
Image credits: Ben Weber (not the actual photo)
Not wanting to go to jail, the woman found a way to get back at her ex in the best possible way
Image credits: Daniel Tafjord (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Startup Stock Photos (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Acton Crawford (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bruce (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Brandable Box (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DittoJ
The plan worked without a single hitch
Not only did u/DittoJ’s ex break into her house and mess everything up, he also lied to the judge about a bunch of things that the OP supposedly wouldn’t return to him. Since the OP refused to pay up for the fake items, she was going to spend some time in jail.
Here’s the catch though: her ex didn't describe the items in detail. So the redditor’s friend came up with a plan to simply buy up the cheapest imaginable versions of those things. That way, the court would back off, the ex would get a taste of some bitter medicine, and the OP could have a lot of fun in the process. Which she did!
“I made a game of it. I went around to pawn shops and resale stores, and I told whoever was in charge there that I was on a scavenger hunt, and I briefly explained what was going on. They all loved the idea and helped me get through my list rather quickly,” she wrote.
Divorce, while often painful and emotionally exhausting, does not necessarily have to devolve into petty bickering and both partners one-upping each other with their elaborate revenge plots. At one point, there was an honest-to-God relationship there—trying to land your ex in jail is not a healthy or mature way to deal with things.
"Not only did he take his items when he left, but he also destroyed the majority of mine"
Bored Panda wanted to get the OP's take on why her story made such a big splash online. "So, the divorce rate has declined and continues to do so. The only ones that win are the attorneys usually. I think people like to hear that the underdog won for once," redditor u/DittoJ told Bored Panda.
"I don’t post things. That is my first post on Reddit. I’m a grandmother and I don’t spend much time online other than reading. It was just a spur-of-the-moment post," the redditor opened up to us that she hadn't been back on Reddit for around a month.
"It took me a day to get everything together and get it videotaped. I know 100% that none of the items existed. Not only did he take his items when he left, but he also destroyed the majority of mine. He broke my jewelry, tore up all of my clothes just about in the damage to my home," the OP revealed how her ex has behaved.
"Unfortunately, I couldn’t prove it because I was at work at the time and anyone could’ve done it. Back in the '90s, we didn’t have videos like we do for our home security."
In terms of red flags in terms of potential partners, u/DittoJ has many, but her "number one red flag" is if her dog doesn't like someone, she doesn't either.
"They know something I don’t. I trust my dog with my life!"
"Try to communicate without blame, focusing instead on your own feelings and experiences"
"Divorcing couples often find themselves in an emotionally charged situation, but there are steps they can take to make the process more amicable," Major, the Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice at Relate, told Bored Panda.
"Firstly, try to communicate without blame, focusing instead on your own feelings and experiences. Never use children as a pawn and remember that they need to be able to love both of you," she said.
"Creating clear boundaries is another important aspect of the process. Just because you're parting ways doesn't mean everything has to be a battleground. Lastly, consider seeking help from a counselor or mediator. You don't have to do it alone," Major urged people not to shy away from asking for a helping hand.
Meanwhile, we asked the team at Relate about what someone might do if a former partner is trying to get revenge on them and make their life worse.
"If an ex-partner is trying to cause emotional or financial harm during or after the divorce proceedings, the 'right' way to respond is to protect yourself both emotionally and legally," Major said.
"Furthermore, establish strong support networks among friends, family, or support groups who have experienced similar situations. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, lean on others, and accept their care."
An amicable divorce requires that both partners are mature people with healthy boundaries
According to Divorce.com, it’s fine to take your time and there's no rush to leave your partner ASAP. You don’t have to file for divorce the moment you decided to put an end to your marriage. Letting all of those heated and hurtful emotions cool down and seeking a therapist’s services can start the whole healing process before the couple officially goes their separate ways.
What’s more, just because you’re aiming for an amicable divorce does not mean that the two of you have to be friends. You might develop a genuine friendship at some point in the future, but you shouldn’t make the leap straight out of divorce court. There’s a lot of positive stuff to be said about drawing healthy boundaries and keeping some distance from each other. Case in point, don’t start following every single thing your ex does on social media.
If you have children and shared custody, then you’ll need to find some way of peacefully co-existing. It’s not healthy for anyone if every single time that you meet you rehash your Top Ten Biggest Relationship Fails (featuring DJ I-Can’t-Believe-That-You-Did-That). You need to find a format of communication that works best for both you and your kids. Less bickering, more smiles, and basic politeness.
Unfortunately, far from every ex is going to apologize for their actions
Psychologist Andra Brosh, Ph.D., notes on ‘Good Therapy’ that your former partner may never end up apologizing for hurting you in the past. That essentially means that the victim in that relationship has to find a way to let go of the past and the need for an apology and move on.
It all starts with acceptance. “Accept that life isn’t fair, that the process of divorce is riddled with inequities. Life, love, and relationships are not about being even, and you cannot make someone do something for you even in the name of love. Start to focus on how you can live with never getting the acknowledgment you deserve instead of what it means to not get it,” Brosh explains.
The next thing to do is to become aware of what your ex is like as a person. For instance, they might simply lack the empathy to apologize. Meanwhile, try to work past your emotional attachment to the need for an apology. At its core, it means understanding that what your ex has (not) said or (not) done does not define you as an individual.
It can also help if you take the time to consider why you need an apology in the first place. This may end up empowering you as you understand that the apology might not be important at all. “Reframe your ideas about remorse and apologies as things to appreciate if they happen, but not essential to your process. A lack of an apology is more a reflection of the person not giving it than of the person who was wronged,” Brosh says.
The author of the post clarified a couple of things later in the comments
The internet loved the revenge story. Here's what some readers had to say about what happened
