Co-parenting with an ex can be hard. When you have shared or equal custody, you have to worry about pick-ups and drop-offs, work schedules, and the occasional unplanned errand. Sometimes, an even scarier thing can be a mental health issue, making one parent unable to care for the child.
This was the scare that this mom got. The dad, during his day of custody, phoned her and said he "can't do this." As the mom didn't have time to pick up their daughter, he said he would just leave her on the mom's doorstep until she came home. Horrified, the mother went online to ask for advice on what to do next.
A mother got a distressing call from her ex on the verge of a mental breakdown during his week of custody
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She freaked out because he threatened to leave their toddler alone at her doorstep, in the cold
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image source: anon1293994
In an update, the mom revealed that her ex will be giving her full custody
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Three days later, the OP posted an update to her story. The Redditor detailed how she suggested that her ex get help. Interestingly, he refused, saying "I don't think so, but I was not in my right mind."
However, he did agree to give full custody to the mother and accepted supervised visits. The Redditor claims that it's "until he is feeling better and has proved he is a safe parent for a few years." The dad is also self-aware. "He admitted to me he is maybe not equipped to have that much custody," the OP wrote.
As of now, she's supporting her ex by helping him pay for him to get better. "I already have him on my insurance; I never removed him and I pay for it because I want him to have medical care and get help when needed," the OP detailed. "I am poor, but I'm going to pay for half his therapy."
If a parent's mental health renders them unable to provide adequate care, they might lose custody rights
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Although more parents than before agree on shared custody of their children, the percentage is still quite small. About 40% of states in the U.S. aim to give equal custody time to both parents, but, in reality, only 11% of custody cases result in equally shared custody.
If one parent has severe mental health issues, they might lose the privileges they had when it comes to seeing their child. According to experts, mild bouts of depression, anxiety, and mood swings generally aren't an issue, but a serious diagnosis might severely impact a parent's ability to take care of their child.
According to the divorce and custody attorney Molly B. Kenny, a mere diagnosis of a mental disorder isn't grounds to take away custody rights from a parent. As judges always act in the best interest of the child, they would need to determine whether the parent's mental state harms their ability to provide adequate care.
According to Kenny, in some cases, a parent with a mild mental health issue might even receive primary custody. But when the parent experiences sudden outbursts, hospitalization, or is unable to perform self-care, they might only get visitation or supervised visitation.
"If the condition doesn't affect your finances, your relationship with the child, or your ability to provide a safe and stable living environment, it shouldn't affect the outcome of your custody case," Kenny claims.
The mother would benefit from a mental health professional as well, as she has to navigate co-parenting
Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan (not the actual photo)
A co-parent gets put into a very difficult situation. The mother in this story doesn't demonize her ex and wants to help him, but still has to prioritize the safety and well-being of their daughter.
When co-parenting with a person who's going through a mental health crisis, Robin M. Mermans, Esq recommends seeking help from a professional. This situation is not something a parent can solve by themselves, and a mental health professional can help see situations from various angles.
The child, again, should come first. This is not about the mother's relationship to the father but about the daughter's safety. If the co-parent is a potential danger to the daughter, she suggests the parenting agreement or the custody arrangement. "If there is ever a situation where you believe your children are actively in danger, report it immediately to law enforcement," Mermans writes.
People urged the mother to prioritize her daughter's safety: "Make sure he gets help! For his kid if nothing else"
But one person also defended the dad: "He was just trying to get you to help him"
