When you constantly spend time with your partner’s family, you might choose to maintain those positive relationships even after you break up. However, this might make your ex and their new significant other unhappy. Or, in some cases, furious.
Internet user u/FeistyTelevision8230 turned to the AITAH online community for its wisdom on a very sensitive situation going on in her family. She revealed how she attended a party thrown by her former in-laws; however, her presence made her ex-husband’s new wife burst into tears. Meanwhile, her ex started raging at her. You’ll find the full story below.
It's a tough situation to find yourself in when your divorce is ugly, but you stay friends with your ex's family
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A woman asked the internet for advice after her former in-laws' party quickly turned sour
Image credits: lelia_milaya / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: FeistyTelevision8230
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
If you and your ex's family both want to continue your relationship, you shouldn't have to sacrifice it
It is completely understandable that you want to stay close to the people you love and care about, even if they are your ex-partner’s family. Just because your romantic relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice all the other relationships you’d built up over the years.
Especially if your ex’s family is friendly, welcoming, and genuinely wants to spend time with you, too. If that sense of mutual friendship and reciprocity is there, it’s not like your former partner can force you not to see each other.
However, things can get messier at family functions where everyone is invited, including former and current partners. If someone is feeling emotionally vulnerable, has deep-seated self-esteem issues, or is threatened by the ex, the situation can quickly break down, even if nobody is being intentionally mean-spirited.
The AARP points out that many Americans aged 50+ are facing the question of what happens to their relationships with their partner’s family if they’re breaking up or going through ‘gray divorce.’
Whether your breakup or divorce is amicable or not-so-friendly, you can still preserve those connections with your ex’s family. But you have to understand that this is complicated. And, of course, you have to subtly check to see if your former partner’s relatives want to continue meeting with you.
“This is something a lot of people try, and a lot of people make work successfully,” Eric FitzMedrud, a licensed psychologist in Los Altos, California, explained to the AARP.
Image credits: Matheus Câmara da Silva / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Your relationship dynamics might change, but no matter what, you have to try to set clear expectations
Meanwhile, Joe Noble, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Edina, Minnesota, pointed out that, in some cases, your relationships with your former partner’s family might not have revolved around the marriage itself. “Relationships with these people weren’t about the marriage that is ending. It got you together, but it wasn’t about the marriage.”
Broadly speaking, you need to focus on setting clear expectations for your relationships after the divorce. You have to think about what’s going to change and what’s going to remain the same. Your relationship dynamics can change quite a bit if you end up dating someone new.
“If it’s a reasonable relationship with your ex, try to be respectful of their feelings and what they’re going through, and they are much more likely to then support you being in touch with their family,” suggested psychotherapist Nancy Wilson, from Bellaire, Texas.
Noble pointed out to the AARP that your ex’s family might potentially be okay with you dating someone new, but they might not want to meet your new partner. Or they might invite you over to a party, but your new significant other may not be welcome.
“Sometimes new partners turn out to be disruptive to family traditions, even if the intention was otherwise. Take it slow.”
Do you still stay in touch with any of your ex-partner’s family members? How have those relationships changed since your breakup or divorce? How do you manage the tension and awkwardness when meeting your exes and their new partners?
The internet had some thoughts about the sensitive family drama. Here are some people's perspectives
Meanwhile, here's what some other readers thought about the tension in the family
