Weddings can be a costly and stressful affair. And many couples can only hope the day goes off without a hitch. One of the roles of the best man is to help that happen. But it would seem that some of them bring more drama than peace. A bride has told how she doesn't exactly have the greatest relationship with her partner's best man. But she assumed he'd be on his best behavior in the run-up to the wedding. She now realizes she was wrong.
The woman says the guy has blatantly gone against the wedding party dress code, and decided to wear what he deems fit. The bride has retaliated by threatening to exclude him from the photos. Some feel she's justified, while others are calling her "Bridezilla." Bored Panda spoke to Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall to get her advice on the bride's dilemma.
It's not unusual for a couple to choose what their wedding party will wear
Image credits: freepic.diller/Freepik (not the actual photo)
But when one best man deliberately bought the wrong suit, the bride lost completely it
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DC Studio/Freepik (not the actual photo)
People had questions and the bride was more than willing to answer
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: engin akyurt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She provided an update after speaking to the groom
Image credits: Stockbusters/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Medicine440
The bride gave some more details in the comments section
This whole situation could have been avoided: an etiquette expert weighs in
Image credits: Camandona (not the actual photo)
Having seen the photo of the almost-black-suit a few months ago, makes this both the fault of the bride and groom-to-be for not having squashed the suit choice. That's the opinion of Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall when we reach out to her.
"Handling this situation falls under the groom-to-be’s job. When the groom-to-be didn’t do or say anything about it, why did she drop it? Why didn’t she calmly explain how important it was to match the groomsmen? Why was she surprised the BM bought the wrong color? According to her, he’s always been contrary," Randall told Bored Panda.
The expert says the bride should remember that this is a sneak peek into their life together. "Your man doesn’t like dealing with conflict. And your go-to strategy is hope that it somehow fixes itself," she cautioned. "When it came down to it, you introduced a new set of rules like limiting photos. Then expecting everyone to follow along."
Randall believes the best man was transparent, not only sending a photo, but putting it in writing saying, “I got a different one…” She says no response by the couple gave him the green light.
"It is unreasonable to throw a fit a week before the wedding," added Randall. "This won’t just ruin your photos, but it’ll fuel the tension between the best man and the groomsmen. Not to mention your fiancé who will no doubt hear about this throughout your marriage."
The expert says a simple situation wasn’t handled appropriately or in a timely manner by either the bride or groom.
"Self-centered but honest": an expert's opinion of the best man
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Randall told Bored Panda the best man was a bit self-centered but honest in disclosing his suit preference. "No one told him, 'No.' All things considered, he’s not at fault," she explained. "A piece of advice for the best man, if you don’t want to lose this friend or cause friction in his married relationship, drop the college-dude attitude."
She also had this to say to the best man: "Being asked to invest in a suit that you don’t like and will never wear again is a significant request. If budget was a concern, you could have talked to your buddy to come up with an option such as renting a baby blue suit."
The etiquette expert added that the best man’s job is to comply with all requests, to anticipate the groom’s needs, to politely give the boot to the well-meaning but chatty aunt, or an ex-girlfriend who crashes the reception. It's also to cooperate and be available. And to get along with everyone, even if he has to swallow his pride.
How can they move forward and ensure a drama-free wedding?
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
All's not lost, says Randall. "Before the wedding, you need to have a heart-to-heart specifically about the lack of decision-making or follow-through. Together, figure out how decisions will be made in the future," she advised. But cautioned that when the blame is wrongly placed, the drama will continue and grow.
"You have a week, get the best man’s measurements and rent the right colored suit for him," suggested Randall. "Look ahead, although special, the wedding day does not set the tone for a happy marriage."
The expert says there's another way to look at it... "Since he is the best man, everyone will presume that the color of his suit differentiates him from the groom and groomsmen. Problem solved."
She added that the bride shouldn't spend one minute of the wedding gossiping about how awful the best man is. "Focus on your husband, your vows and your guests."
"Speak up and pick a side": many felt the groom was the one to blame
A few netizens said not being in the photos wasn't a big enough price to pay
"Let the suit go": some people felt that there were deeper issues at play
