Young adults, particularly those in Gen Z, are redefining relationships by prioritizing friendships and emotional compatibility over traditional dating norms. People in their twenties often find love within their friend groups, embracing so-called “situationships” and delaying or even reconsidering marriage due to economic pressures and evolving societal expectations. Amid growing anxiety over “overwhelming” choices that previously weren’t offered, a psychology expert revealed the key to healthy relationships for those younger than 30.
Highlights
- Gen Z is redefining relationships by prioritizing friendships and emotional compatibility over traditional dating norms.
- Economic pressures and evolving societal expectations are causing Gen Z to delay or reconsider marriage.
- 85% of Gen Z and millennials believe marriage is not necessary for a fulfilled and committed relationship.
- Communication and mutual respect are crucial for healthy relationships amid increased anxiety and overwhelming options.
- Gen Z emphasizes authenticity, compatibility, and shared values in partnerships, often finding love within friend groups.
Despite declining marriage rates, two in five people think marriage is an outdated tradition, with 83% of Gen Z and millennials anticipating tying the knot at some point, a survey published by the Thriving Center of Psychology in 2023 found.
73% of surveyed people felt like marrying was too expensive in the current economy in the USA. 85% didn’t feel like marriage was necessary to have a fulfilled and committed relationship.
More than 1 in six (17%) were not planning to get married. Interestingly, more millennials (21%) than Gen Zs (7%) felt this way. The main reason people weren’t planning to wed was because they just weren’t interested in it, as per the Thriving Center of Psychology.
Moreover, three in five (61%) unmarried couples that were surveyed lived with their partners. More millennials (65%) than Gen Z (35%) have taken this step in their relationship.
Gen Zs were born between 1997 and 2012 and are aged between 12 and 27, while millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 and are aged between 28 and 43.
Young adults are redefining relationships by prioritizing friendships and emotional compatibility over traditions
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Amid social media becoming a quintessential part of the youth’s lives, in addition to a significant cultural change in gender stereotypes, people are prioritizing different qualities when seeking a romantic partner.
In fact, a 2023 Business Insider survey found that 43% of people between the ages of 18 and 29 said they were in a relationship with someone who was first a friend, including an astonishing 50% of women in that cohort.
This is double the 21% of people over 65 who reported having been friends with their partner or spouse before they started dating.
Among older couples, 52% said their significant other was a complete stranger to them before they got together, while only 35% of young people said the same.
An Appinio Teengeist Report highlighted in 2023 that a significant portion of British Gen Z prioritized building steady and meaningful connections, with 49% of those surveyed indicating that a committed relationship is their top priority.
However, further data from Appinio revealed that Gen Z seems to be the most likely to say they feel pressured into dating (38%).
Gen Z emphasized authenticity, compatibility, and shared values. They sought partners who aligned with their personal growth, individuality, and aspirations.
While the younger generation may have more opportunities to choose their partner and the ability to truly bond and become friends before committing to a relationship -- unlike the older generation, who often followed societal expectations -- this freedom has also led to increased anxiety due to the overwhelming number of options that didn't exist before.
“There's a lot more fluidity in gender identity,” Christina Scott, a professor of Social Psychology at the Department of Psychological Sciences at Whittier College in California, USA, told Bored Panda. “Like it might be, ‘Well, I might be bi[sexual]’ or ‘I might, you know, I might identify queer, and I'm not ready to lock on to one partner.’”
Dr. Scott, whose program of research focuses primarily on women’s sexual arousal and behavior, shared: “There [are] so many more options. They can be overwhelming.
People in their twenties often find love within their friend groups, embracing so-called “situationships”
“I remember my mom, who was born in the 1940s, and [she] said, you know, ‘You needed to have a husband. You finish college. This is what you need to do.’
“Your timeline was more definitive. Your role was more definitive. And now, we're kind of like, ‘Sky's the limit.’
“I think the choices can be overwhelming.”
With this new growth of anxiety -- research shows that 3.1% of the US population has generalized anxiety -- communication has never been more crucial in relationships.
Christina recommends young couples practice communication, openness, and honesty, stating: “[You need to look at] how can you show mutual respect, how can you build trust, how can you be open about what you need and receptive to the needs of your partner with whatever status you have designated between each other.”
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She continued: “Those communication skills are important all through life.
“So I agree that every generation struggles with their relationships, but I think with less definition, less communication, or [having] the ability to distance yourself, Gen Z might have more heartache in front of them and more challenges.”
Gen Z’s attitudes toward dating and sex have evolved from the generations before them; they take an especially pragmatic approach to love and sex, the BBC reported in 2022.
This shift has reportedly given rise to the idea of the “situationship”– a term that describes the grey area between friendship and a relationship.
"A term I had just heard of was 'a situationship,'" Dr. Scott quipped over the phone with Bored Panda. “So instead of relationship, they're like in a situationship.”
Gen Zs are often delaying or even reconsidering marriage due to economic pressures and evolving societal expectations
Christina, who educates students on safe sexual practices, noted: “They definitely are looking to explore sexually, they're learning to explore.
“They want companionship, but most of them are not looking to find their life partner.
“There's not this sense of 'I want to put in the time, the energy, the commitment and the heartache to really kind of fit this person as my lifelong partner.'”
Dr. Scott humorously recalled: “A lot of [my college students] are like, ‘Oh, I'm trying not to catch feelings,’ and, like, it's not herpes, like, [having feelings isn’t] an STD.”
Younger generations today are increasingly aware of the broad spectrum of possibilities available to them in both their professional and private lives.
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This heightened awareness often leads them to prioritize personal growth, career advancement, and life experiences over traditional milestones like having children.
As a matter of fact, recent data revealed that by 2050, over three-quarters (155 of 204) of countries will not have high enough fertility rates to sustain population size over time; this will increase to 97% of countries (198 of 204) by 2100.
Since 2007, the US birth rate has been declining about 2% each year on average, CNN reported in 2023.
Despite early speculation about a pandemic baby boom, the coronavirus crisis reportedly accelerated the decline even further, with births falling by 4% in 2022.
It was the largest annual decline in the number of births since 1973, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Christina Scott told Bored Panda that couples should talk rather than just occupy the same space
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Demographers point to a number of factors driving this phenomenon: economic insecurity, political uncertainty, shifting gender norms, and a lessening stigma around the choice to remain child-free, as per CNN.
The latest figures for England and Wales showed that the average birth rate, also called the total fertility rate, declined to 1.49 children per woman in 2022, from 1.55 in 2021, the BBC reported in May.
“I think there's a lot of challenges with the emotional regulation,” Dr. Scott told Bored Panda. “We know that the frontal lobe of your brain, which is in charge of your planning, and your reasoning, and your judgment, doesn't stop to develop until you're 25.”
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean Gen Z and younger millennials can’t enjoy a healthy and long-term relationship, as the psychologist recalled: “My former student married in her junior year of college, and I remember trying to stop her.
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According to the mental health expert, younger generations are used to the simplicity of apps on the smartphone, which, in turn, can interfere with the work that relationships require.
“There's not going to be a day that I'm not working on my relationship,” Dr. Scott admitted.
The professor highlighted the fact that the youths’ relationships may sometimes be hindered by comparisons prompted by social media and, therefore, advised against spending too much time analyzing other people’s relationships online.
“We look at people on social media [and how everyone looks] so happy,” she said. “But we're also looking at social media at the nastiness of these breakups and drama, and I think it just becomes overwhelming.”
Dr. Scott mentioned the psychology theory of proximity, often discussed in the context of relationships.
The professor encouraged finding similar hobbies
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The theory suggests that people are more likely to form romantic connections with those who are physically or geographically close to them. This principle is rooted in the idea that repeated exposure to someone increases familiarity and comfort, which can lead to attraction.
“That's why most relationships happen on a college campus, at work, or in a shared hobby because you're bumping into this person more often,” the professor explained.
As a result, Dr. Scott noted that similarities helped people feel validated, and, therefore, she encouraged finding similar hobbies and sharing similar political identities, life goals, and aspects that affect day-to-day life.
“I don't think [couples] have to be in lockstep or [have to] do everything together,” the mental health professional added.
She continued: “Chemistry is great, but that does tend [not to] be enough for many couples.”
Finally, Dr. Scott recommended couples designate quality time with the aim of checking on each other, saying: “It doesn't have to be so prescriptive, but whatever allows you to get back to your partner.
“Maybe try a new hobby, like maybe you're both interested in learning to rollerblade, so you're both gonna get rollerblades and crack up and have some great new memories.”
She concluded: “Communication where you’re really face to face and pay[ing] attention to body language cues [is key].
“I'm sure you've seen it where you've got two people sitting together during lunch and they're both on their phones.
“That's not communication -- that's just occupying the same space.”