Nothing has really changed since last time I used this phrase, so here it goes again: relationships are hard, man. And it’s not like being a human being helps in any way because being one is even harder than relationships.
You can already guess where I’m going with this.
A woman has recently come under fire (not literal, but sure felt like it) after accidentally exposing her own sister (the fire’s coming from the sister, by the way) during dinner to her boyfriend about her “body count,” which was supposed to be 4, but OP knew that was not true and liar liar your pants are on fire!
More Info: Reddit
You'd think someone would have already figured out relationships by now, but nope, those are still as complex and challenging as ever
Image credits: Stephanie Young Merzel (not the actual photo)
So, Reddit user u/saints4sylum (throwaway account for privacy reasons that has since been suspended) recently turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective on an experience she has just gone through.
And sometimes they raise more questions than they answer, with one question being was the author of the story wrong to accidentally "expose" her sister's lie about her "body count"
Image credits: saints4sylum
OP is a 20-year-old female who had dinner with her 21-year-old sister Lauren and her 23-year-old boyfriend named James. For context, Lauren had been dating James for about 3 weeks (though they had known each other for a year at that point), and OP was not particularly fond of him.
You see, OP is part of the LGBTQ+ community. And she does not take kindly to James' not-so-positive remarks about people from that particular group. He also spews misogynistic nonsense on occasion on top of it all, so OP has no idea why they’re together in the first place, but makes an effort to be civil about her sister’s choices.
So, the 3 were dining at OP’s place and the conversation took an interesting turn. The three started talking about this thing called “body counts.” For those unaware, a body count in slang terms means the number of people someone has had sexual relations with.
If you're unaware, a body count is the number of people one has slept with, and it became a key topic during dinner
Image credits: saints4sylum
During this conversation, James pointed out that he’d never date anyone who has a count above 5 as he saw that as promiscuous behavior. Well, actually, he specifically said “that’s disgusting and I would never talk to her” but I digress.
Now, OP, having had quite a few open conversations with her sister about such matters, knew fully well at this point that her sister actually lied about this particular number because it was much higher than James’ standard. The only thing she could respond with was “hmm, that’s interesting” whilst looking at the sister.
James caught on and asked why is that interesting. Turns out, the sister claimed James is her 4th, when that was a complete lie, but this topic was quickly dropped. But the truth was out there by now.
Once the story hit the internet, OP decided to clarify some things in a subsequent update
Image credits: saints4sylum
Once James had left, OP got a stern talking to from the sister. She went ballistic on OP, asking why she would sabotage their relationship like that. Well, gosh darn, how was OP supposed to know her sister lied about it? Ignoring that, a conflict ensued and the two haven’t spoken since.
In light of this, OP turned to the AITA community for some perspective, and soon after posting her story, also added some details in an update. Namely, she speculated that James had 5 serious relationships at that point, hence his 5 body count. And since he’s a frat boy, he might not have been all that faithful to his own rule. But those are just guesses.
Image credits: Virginia State Parks (not the actual photo)
Besides that, she also tackled the question of why her sister would date a guy like that in the first place, knowing OP’s a part of the LGBTQ+ community. And that question is left unanswered. Though the sister did try to reassure her that James considers her family. Whatever that means.
At first, there were some YTAs from the community, which OP also addressed in her post, understanding the point of view, but later more folks came in and tipped the scale to NTA.
Mostly it was because she couldn’t have known, and a natural reaction came naturally, so it is what it is. Others figured this was a great way to get her out of that relationship, especially seeing as the guy doesn’t seem to be made of boyfriend material. Some were surprised OP even let this man into her house.
The community said that the author of the post was not at fault, pointing fingers at the other two and asking question
OP responded to some of the comments, saying how she has tried multiple times to talk her sister out of that relationship and how she has effectively become “an enabler” of James’ actions by pleading with OP to act civil while James can act however he wants.
So, it was a not-the-a-hole verdict from the community, which also gave the post nearly 4,500 upvotes and an all-seeing upvote award. You can see everything in context here.
But this does beg the question of why do toxic relationships form and kick off in the first place? Psych Alive, an educational project aimed at helping people understand life and make the right choices, suggests a tendency for people to pick partners that are wrong for them from the start. It is a sort of a vicious circle where one person gravitates towards another because that person reminds them of figures from their past. Even if they were toxic. And they then reinforce the cycle by replaying and reliving that trauma from their developmental years with this new person.
It all boils down to “the comfort zone” and familiarity in one’s own defense mechanisms. They can deal with the negatives because they know how, and hence they will tend to shun any attempt at finding someone who’s actually good for them—because that is something new, and unfamiliar, and hence “not safe”.
So, what are your thoughts on this whole situation? What’s your take on the “body count” thing? Share your two cents in the comment section below!