Honesty is the most important ingredient for a healthy relationship. And while it’s tempting to play up your best qualities when meeting someone new (and downplay your less attractive traits), be careful not to bend the truth too much. Because telling downright lies is certain to come back to bite you.
One woman recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice after she had a devastating realization about her boyfriend’s “friend group.” Below, you’ll find the full story detailing how she found out about her partner’s lies, as well as some of the replies concerned readers left her.
A healthy relationship can't be built on a foundation of lies
Image credits: OlgaGimaeva / Envato (not the actual photo)
This woman's world was turned upside down when she found out that her boyfriend's "friends" never existed at all
Image credits: varyapigu / Envato (not the actual photo)
She even shared a screenshot of the conversation that occurred after leaving her boyfriend's place
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Later, the woman replied to several comments and shared some more details about the situation
Honesty is necessary to build a genuine connection with your partner
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
We’ve all been taught that honesty is the best policy, but we tend to forget that when telling a little fib could be beneficial. Why be honest with your partner about their new haircut being unflattering when it’s only going to crush their self-esteem? And there’s no way this person interviewing you for a job will be able to catch you in your lies. So they’re harmless, right?
But bending the truth is a dangerous habit to get into, especially with loved ones. Because, when the truth does come out, it has the power to ruin relationships and erode trust in an instant.
Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, told Verywell Mind that honesty is so important in relationships because, without it, you can never have a genuine and authentic connection.
There are risks to being honest, of course. If you tell your partner that you actually hate the music that they listen to or that you don’t want to spend time with their friends, that could mean the end of your relationship. But being able to tell the truth is necessary to build a strong foundation with your partner.
And Dr. Romanoff notes that this honesty doesn’t only need to be used with your partner, but with yourself as well. It’s important to look at your relationship and evaluate it honestly. Find the issues or places that need improvement and make adjustments. Problems don’t get solved by themselves!
Plus, being forthcoming with your partner helps the two of you learn how to communicate, a skill that will help you resolve conflicts in the future. And, of course, it builds trust in your relationship. Knowing that your partner will always be honest with you, even if it’s uncomfortable, can make you feel much more secure in your relationship.
Lying can destroy relationships and can create long-term trust issues
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While honesty is necessary for a healthy relationship, it’s no surprise that lying can quickly destroy the bond between two people. Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, explained on Psychology Today that being dishonest blocks partners from experiencing true intimacy.
Lying also often snowballs, as even more lies will be required to cover up the first ones. Meanwhile, the person holding back the truth from their partner will likely feel uncomfortable and guilty and may start to pull back from the relationship, for fear of exposing their own lies.
At the same time, they might feel shame and start to value themself less for being a liar, which can lead to developing unhealthy coping mechanisms or struggling with internal conflicts. And, of course, when the truth finally comes out, it can have a devastating impact on the victim as well.
According to NeuroLaunch, being lied to can lead to a range of feelings, from hurt to betrayal to anger to sorrow. It’s natural for victims to feel a sense of loss, as the person they thought they knew might have never existed in the first place.
And following the truth coming out, they might start to question their own judgment and second guess their instincts. How could I fail to notice that I was being deceived? Will this happen again in the future? A relationship built on lies will never last, but it might have long-term impacts on those involved.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation below, pandas. How would you have responded if you had been met with earth-shattering news like this? Feel free to weigh in, and then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring similar relationship drama, we recommend checking out this piece.
Many readers were concerned for the woman's safety and assured her that her boyfriend's behavior was unacceptable
