You wouldn’t be wrong to say that more personalized family traditions surrounding marriage are a common and very normal sight in many cultures.
You likely also wouldn’t be wrong to say that family traditions that violate the privacy rights of the newlyweds by having all the parents and sons and daughters and their spouses and uncles and aunts and you get the point watching them bonk on their first night as spouses are anything but normal.
It’s okay to have family traditions, as long as they carry meaning, pass down values and build identity
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
However, when a tradition is quite literally watching someone partake in some business time, then it’s not really a tradition
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Choice_Evidence1983
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Needless to say, it didn’t take long for the author of the post’s wedding to be called off because of traditions like that
A woman on Reddit was at a bit of a loss when she found out that the man she was going to marry belongs to a family with a very weird tradition. Apparently, there’s a tradition called “bedding” in which, essentially, the family of the newlyweds watch them do it like on the Discovery channel.
Yeah, that's weird.
Well, once it hit the fan and the wedding ended up being called off, OP found out it was just a ruse to get to watch married women being coerced into sexual activities that would leave them scarred for life.
And OP was not alone in thinking that. Many confirmed that it’s not really a thing among Scottish people—OP’s fiance was apparently Scottish. Some were afraid to think how the other wives had to go through it—and hope OP told them about the truth.
Whatever the case, NTA across the board, no two ways about it.
Needless to say, commenters were grossly weirded out by this and ruled that the woman is not in the wrong
Roughly 2 months later, the author of the original post provided an update confirming that the fiance is now an ex
Image credits: Choice_Evidence1983
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
It is not to say family traditions are all bad as there are benefits to them—but also defining criteria
Family traditions are activities, gifts, stories or songs that are continued through a family’s life together and passed down from generation to generation.
For a tradition to be considered a tradition, it has to have several defining characteristics. Traditions have to be meaningful exercises that are aimed at fostering a connection to loved ones and providing a sense of unity and stability.
Forcing someone into a tradition—whether they don’t want to or their beliefs are different—is not in the true spirit of what it means to uphold a tradition. By proxy, coercion goes against the definition of tradition. It’s also an indicator that traditions need to be adapted or changed altogether so that togetherness can continue without making someone awkward, grossed out or otherwise uncomfortable.
For context, yes, bedding is definitely a legit custom, in the sense that it exists. However, ew. Also, it goes against how it doesn’t really create togetherness if it’s forced.
Well, whatever the case, what are your thoughts on any of this? What are your thoughts of two individuals minding their own bees’ wax on a mattress while the family is within direct line of sight? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below!
Folks online were still grossed out, siding with the woman and sharing their takes on the matter
