You’ve probably heard the idiom, "blood is thicker than water". The phrase is often used to emphasize the importance of family loyalty and the idea that family should always come first. Sometimes, though, this concept can lead to friction between family members, both immediate and extended.
For one single mom, her family’s request to move in with her after they’d fallen on hard times was given a hard pass by her 16YO son. His reasoning was simple: nobody but his grandfather was there for him and his mom for the many years that they were struggling and alone, so why should he and his mom now bend over backwards to help the extended family out?
More info: Reddit
Woman turns to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk for siding with her son to deny struggling extended family a roof over their heads
Image credits: Omar Lopez (not the actual photo)
Mom was left alone to raise and care for her son five years ago, with nobody but her father to depend on
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Single mom’s father was the only family member who helped out, leaving her a significant inheritance when he passed
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual photo)
Extended family going through hard times has asked to move into the house the single mom bought, but her 16YO son is very much against the idea
Image credits: u/Bubbly-Classroom3131
Mom has sided with her son, putting his wishes ahead of the extended family, despite their protests
When it comes to family, there’s an almost unwritten rule that family members should help each other out, both in good and bad times. In reality, though, this isn’t always the case. For one mother, after her husband cheated on her and then left her and her 11-year-old son high and dry, she was left to fend for herself.
Understandably, life was tough for the little family. Despite that fact, none of their family offered any help or support, other than her father, who was apparently a great support system both financially and emotionally.
When her father passed away two years ago, he left her an apparently substantial inheritance, which the single mom used to buy a house and secure a stable and comfortable life for her and her son.
Fast-forward to the present day and the woman’s extended family has fallen on hard times. Now they’ve asked her if they can move into the house while they’re down on their luck. Considering their past actions, the single mom was hesitant to cave in to their request. To add to that, she wanted to get the opinion of her now 16YO son, since the pair have been through a lot together and share an incredibly strong bond.
Well, as it turns out, the son is dead set against the idea. According to his mom, he remembers how none of the extended family were around to offer them support in their hour of need. Understanding his feelings and valuing his comfort, the mom decided to tell the family that they wouldn’t be able to move in.
Now the family is upset and calling the mom selfish and ungrateful. While OP maintained that she honestly doesn’t care what they think, as long as her son is happy, she still wanted to hear other people’s opinions on the admittedly awkward situation.
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
In an article for cnbc.com, internationally recognized executive coach, workplace psychology expert and author Stefan Falk suggests 3 ways to deal with overly selfish and entitled people:
- Avoid them if and when possible: Engaging with selfish people usually leads to negative results
- Set clear boundaries: Call them out when their behavior becomes too much
- Educate them on the risks they face: Selfishness has many negative impacts you can bring up
According to a WebMD article penned by Janie McQueen and medically reviewed by Michael W. Smith, licensed clinical social worker Sharon Martin says that common traits of toxic people include:
- Not showing concern for your feelings, needs, or rights
- Acting harsh, critical, or entitled
- Feeling the rules don’t apply to them
- Not taking responsibility for their actions
- Rarely saying they’re sorry for something
It seems OP’s extended family ticks more than a couple of the items on this list. At the very least, they could have apologized for ghosting the single mom and her 11-year-old kid when they really could have used some loyalty and support.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot, isn’t the teen son entitled to give them the cold shoulder? While you might agree with him, there is still something to be said on the subject of forgiveness.
In his piece for PsychologyToday.com, clinical psychologist and founder of COPE Psychological Center Rubin Khoddam, Ph.D., writes that forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. Forgiveness is not saying you accept the person who wronged you.
He goes on to say that, instead, forgiveness is choosing to accept what happened as it happened rather than what could or should have happened. Forgiveness can mean that you let go. Forgiveness can mean you love from a distance. Forgiveness can mean you step into your present rather than anchoring in the past.
Says Khoddam, “Physiologically, higher reported levels of forgiveness were associated with lower white blood cell count and hematocrit levels. White blood cells are an integral part of fighting off diseases and infections. Together, these results highlight the importance of forgiveness—not for the other person, but for you. Don't allow your mind and your body to go through another day feeling vengeful and angry.”
Which side of the fence are you on in this tricky situation? Do you think the extended family should be given a second chance? Should the mom go with her teen son’s gut? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Redditors leapt to the son's and single mom’s defense in the comments: “They made their own choice then, they can live with the consequences now.”
