We all want to understand ourselves a bit better. Knowing who we are and where we come from is part of a natural human curiosity — a healthy desire for knowledge, if you will. That’s why things like astrology and personality tests are so popular.
Ultimately, the goal is to feel confident in who we are, but not everyone is fortunate enough to know their background or ancestry from the outset. That’s where DNA tests come in; they exist for those who wish to learn more about their roots. And today’s story is about someone who was adopted and had to come to terms with the fact that his entire belief system had been dismantled.
Read more: Reddit
Some people go their entire lives not knowing their heritage, especially if they've been adopted from a young age
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A man was adopted by a white family, but once he became curious about his ancestry, his parents grew more and more upset
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After taking a DNA test that his girlfriend gave him, he discovered he wasn't Italian or South American, and his whole life changed
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The realization that he had been lied to his whole life, even to protect him, was enough to make him irredeemably upset at his parents
Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man also admits that his parents, despite trying to protect him, have been inappropriate towards his black girlfriend
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It was an explanation for their attitude towards their whole life, as many deemed it an attitude stemming from internalized racism
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Ultimately, the man didn't want to cut ties with his parents, but was visibly upset at being lied to for so long
The story we bring you today comes from the original poster (OP), a 23-year-old man who has known he was adopted for as long as he can remember. He explains that around the age of 13, he became curious about his ancestry after noticing that he had slightly tanner skin and a different hair pattern compared to both his peers and his family. So, he turned to the obvious source: his parents.
They told him that his biological father was Italian and his mother was from South America, which would explain the tan skin. However, as he grew older, his parents became very opposed to him wearing his natural curls. Whenever he let his curls grow out, they insisted he keep it cut short, and his suspicions grew when he later got a Black American girlfriend who braided his hair, and his parents lost it.
Eventually, this suspicious reaction led to his girlfriend giving him a DNA test to help him get some answers. When he finally took it, the results did not show Italy or South America. Instead, he discovered that he was Black and Middle Eastern. When he confronted his parents, they were baffled that he had gone behind their backs and told him he should forget the results entirely.
They explained that, because he could pass as white, it would be better if no one knew about his Black and Middle Eastern heritage, arguing it would help him avoid stigma and have an “easier life fitting in.” The OP admits he was privileged for passing, but he also feels upset at having been lied to his entire life. Ultimately, he turned to the internet for advice on whether his anger is justified
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First of all, we need to clear up a few things. For starters, DNA ancestry kits aren’t the most accurate source in the world. Experts note that while they’re useful for finding close relatives and general genetic ancestry, the results are still estimates based on reference databases and algorithms. Because of that, they can’t really determine race in a strict sense, and results depend on the company and its data.
At the same time, in a later update, the parents seem to have admitted that his mother is indeed Black. And this brings up yet another question: the problem of family secrecy. Studies on family dynamics indicate that keeping secrets and major truths like biological ancestry can affect trust when it is eventually revealed — even if the parents believe they're doing the best for their child.
And by trying to protect him, the parents may have been causing more harm than good. Psychologists note that lighter-skinned or racially ambiguous individuals can sometimes experience pressure or discrimination from different groups, which the OP admitted had happened to him before. Because of that, it’s important that he knows where he’s from to build a stable sense of identity.
Ultimately, many netizens ruled that the OP was “not the jerk,” arguing that people have the right to know their heritage. The OP also said his parents made inappropriate comments about his Black girlfriend in the past, which suggests there may have been underlying internalized racism and microaggressions all along. So, should the OP forgive his parents for what they did, or is his anger completely justified?
Netizens believed he deserved to know the truth, and that their behavior was surely rooted in racism
