54 People Who Died With Huge Secrets That Didn’t Stay Hidden For Long

It's okay to have some secrets. In an age of social media where everyone is itching to know everyone else's business, it's only natural to want to keep certain things private. Also, not all secrets are bad. For example, there's nothing wrong with hiding that you're planning to propose to your partner, who you're going to vote for, or certain other things.

"We are definitely entitled to have our own inner subjectivity and our own inner lives," says psychotherapist Gillian Straker. "With social media we are having less and less private space — so to have some private space, even if it's from your partner, feels to me a positive."

The problems start when the secrets you plan to take to your grave start eating you alive.

A wise person once said that “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” And while it might sound wild, many experts agree that the statement is dripping with truth. Researchers have found that keeping secrets can lead to psychological distress, social isolation, and even physical symptoms.

According to the team at the New York Mental Health Center, concealing secrets is not always harmful, but when individuals become preoccupied with their hidden information, it can lead to increased cognitive load and mental distress. "The intrusive thoughts about the secret that can be psychologically draining," they say.

Being eaten up by our secrets can cause feelings of loneliness and depression. And it's a vicious cycle because as the secret-keeper continues to isolate themselves from others, their emotional pain only gets worse.

"The process of rumination—repeatedly thinking about the secret—can consume mental resources, making it harder for individuals to focus on other tasks and lowering overall cognitive functioning," notes the center's site. "Over time, this constant mental engagement with the secret can lead to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame, especially if the secret is related to morally sensitive issues, such as infidelity or unethical behavior."

Katie Greenaway, a social psychologist from the University of Melbourne, agrees. She warns that our darkest secrets do the most harm when we are alone with them.

"It's thinking repetitively when we're alone [with] that piece of information, having it come to mind in a way that we don't feel like we can necessarily control," the expert told ABC News. Research shows that people who frequently think about their secrets tend to feel more disconnected from others. And that includes people who have nothing to do with the secret being kept.

So what secrets are people keeping? Researchers from the University of Columbia set out to answer this question when they surveyed more than 50,000 adults from across the United States. The data is presented on a website aptly called KeepingSecrets.org.

"Most secrets involve one of 38 experiences," reports the Wall Street Journal. "97% of people say they’ve kept something in one of these 38 areas secret from someone. On average, the people studied kept secrets in 13 areas, and in five they kept complete secrets—not telling a soul."

The most commonly kept secrets involve lies, romantic desire, finances and intimate behavior.

Sometimes, we even keep secrets from ourselves. "We might hide from ourselves that while we say we are passionate about climate change, we don't actually stop going on an overseas holiday in the plane that's putting a lot of emissions into the air," explains Professor Straker.

Whether you choose to take a secret to your grave is entirely up to you. But experts say that confiding in at least one other person can do wonders for your mental health.

Michael Slepian is the brains behind KeepingSecrets.org, and a leading expert on the psychology of secrets. The Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and his team not only examined the consequences of keeping secrets, but also looked at the what happens when we confide secrets.

"We found that when a person confides a secret to a third party, it does not reduce how often they have to conceal the secret from others who are still kept in the dark. Rather, it reduces how often their mind wanders toward the secret in irrelevant moments," reveals Slepian.