Many people want to get along with their in-laws, but gosh darn it, can it be challenging sometimes. It gets even worse when they send you incredibly mixed signals about (not) wanting to spend time with you.
Case in point, u/Efficient-System-438 asked the internet if she was overreacting to a bizarre situation developing in her family. She shared how her in-laws refused her and her wife’s Disneyland passes as a gift, only to accept the same gift from their son and his wife. Not only that, but after inviting the author and her wife on the trip, they went on to exclude them from their travel plans.
Weird? Very! Scroll down for the full story and to see what the net had to say. Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Having a tense relationship with your in-laws is something that can weigh on your mind and frustrate you to no end
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she and her wife were left out of her family's vacation plans. Here's the bizarre situation in full
Image credits: John Tekeridis / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: drobotdean / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Efficient-System-438
In this case, the parents might have a favorite child (their son), or they're trying to avoid spending time with their daughter's spouse
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The situation is beyond weird. Though we don’t know the exact motivations for the in-laws’ strange behavior, from our perspective, there are two possible theories.
The first possibility is that, like most parents, they are playing favorites and prefer spending time with their son instead of their daughter. This is, of course, an uncomfortable realization for anyone. But the reality is that this sort of favoritism is very common.
Based on recent research, parents tend to prefer their children who are responsible and organized because they’re easier to manage and respond more positively.
While the ‘golden child’ tends to lead a better life, their slightly less-loved siblings fare worse. According to the American Psychological Association, kids who get less favored treatment have more strained family relationships and poorer mental health.
The second possibility is that the in-laws might have issues spending time with their daughter’s wife, the author of the online post. Maybe there are tensions within that relationship that we don’t know about. Or it could be that the in-laws downright don’t like her as an individual, or think that she’s a bad match for their daughter as a spouse.
It's best to address these issues early on, instead of leaving them to fester
Image credits: bokodi / freepik (not the actual photo)
Whatever the case might be, it’s an unfriendly move to accept a gift from one person when you refused it from someone else. It’s also less than friendly to invite someone to a family trip, only to cut them out of the travel arrangements.
Generally, people don’t like confrontation, but it can be healthy when done right. Directly asking someone what’s going on or explaining to them how their behavior makes you feel is better (and infinitely harder) than trying to guess their motivations.
You don’t have to be aggressive. If you stay calm and semi-friendly, you reduce the risk of the other person getting overly defensive or lashing out at you.
That being said, don’t be too vague or wishy-washy either. Address the problem. Set out your expectations. Explain your boundaries. And then follow through with any consequences that you had mentioned if your boundaries are trampled again in the future.
Alternatively, if you feel that your relatives are constantly disrespecting you and your spouse, you should pause and think about your relationship with them. How important is the relationship to you exactly?
No matter what happens with your in-laws, you and your partner should put each other first
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
If you’re feeling constantly drained and frustrated after being around these people, it might be best to step back and reduce the amount of time and effort you put into this relationship.
Go to fewer dinners and trips together, don’t be super flexible when they suggest popping in over at your place, and see how you feel. It might even make your relatives change their behavior a bit if they take the hint that they’re pushing you away.
According to the Laurel Therapy Collective, one of the most important things for you and your partner’s romantic relationship is that you prioritize each other, no matter any disagreements with each other’s in-laws.
“Be each other's advocates and support systems. When addressing issues with in-laws, present a united front. This sends a clear message that you both value your relationship and will work together to resolve conflicts. It also sets a boundary with your parents that your spouse can't set alone.”
What are your thoughts, Pandas? What would you have done if you found yourself in the post author’s shoes, dealing with all this Disneyland drama? Do you get along with your in-laws? If so, what’s your secret? Let us know in the comments below.
The author interacted with some of her readers as the story started going viral
Here's the advice and insights that some internet users shared with the frustrated woman
