Families are supposed to be our built-in support systems, the people who cheer us on, stand by us through thick and thin, and celebrate life’s biggest milestones together. But what happens when you're consistently left out of those important moments? It stings. And in some cases, it leaves deep emotional scars.
Today's Original Poster (OP) had noticed a pattern of being left out of events and gatherings by her family. So when she left out of the birth of her nephew, she confronted her mother but wasn't met with the best response.
More info: Reddit
When a behavior happens once or twice, it might be an accident or coincidence, but if it's done over and over, it's a pattern
Image credits: olganosova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author had noticed a pattern of her family leaving her out of certain things, especially events and celebrations
Image credits: LobsterLopsided6038
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her younger sister was pregnant but stated that only their parents and her husband's parents would be allowed to visit the hospital
Image credits: LobsterLopsided6038
Image credits: dmitrytph / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she gave birth, their mother video-called the author so she could see the newborn baby, but then mentioned the older sister was also present
Image credits: LobsterLopsided6038
This left her very upset, and she hung up in tears before telling her mother about how she felt, but the response was dismissive
From missing out on her younger sister's graduation to being left out of a family gathering after their grandfather passed away, the OP had a history of being an afterthought. When the younger sister got pregnant, she was very excited until she found out that the baby shower had been fixed on a day when she couldn't be there for it.
Despite her disappointment, the OP still went out of her way to drop off a gift, including a hand-knitted baby blanket which she had received from their grandmother. But that wasn’t enough to earn her a spot in the room for the next big event: the birth of her nephew.
Her younger sister had made it clear that only parents (hers and her husband's) would be allowed at the hospital, and the first 24 hours at home would be visitor-free. The OP respected that. But when her mother video-called her to introduce her to the baby, she learned that her older sister Sally was at the hospital.
When she asked why she wasn't invited to the hospital, her mom said that she assumed the OP wouldn’t be able to leave work. In reality, OP could have, though. Her manager was more than understanding. Feeling completely blindsided, OP hung up in tears and later confronted her mother, only to receive the dismissive response: "I'm sorry you feel that way".
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
PsychCentral highlights various forms of exclusion in family, and one of them includes situations where a family member is consistently left out of activities, jokes, or stories. They go further to state that this kind of exclusion can set the stage for future struggles in relationships and self-worth, as individuals may begin to expect exclusion from people in their lives and feel inherently flawed.
The OP's manager maintained that her mother's response was a form of gaslighting, and Simply Psychology would agree. They explain that gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that makes someone doubt their own memories and perception of reality. They point out that this sort of behavior is particularly harmful in relationships, including one between parents and children.
LifeDev explains that while family is often seen as a support system, there are times when this relationship can cause more harm than good. In such cases, going low contact with family members can be a healthy choice just as netizens suggested. This approach involves minimizing communication and interaction and is often adopted to reduce emotional exhaustion or escape toxic family dynamics.
Netizens affirmed that the OP was not overreacting since her family has repeatedly shown a pattern of exclusion. However, others were curious if there was a deeper reason behind the exclusion, questioning whether OP had unintentionally distanced herself in the past or if someone in the family had misrepresented her feelings.
They also urged the OP to go low-contact with her family. What do you think? Do you think it’s okay to set boundaries with family, even if it means distancing yourself? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens affirmed that the author wasn't wrong for hanging up as it's obvious her family doesn't care about her
