One of the things you ought to accept when choosing to have kids is that they’re ultimately going to be their own person. And maybe there’s a small chance that who they are doesn’t really align with your own preferences.
After all, we’re all different, with different personality traits and moral compasses, and while you may love your child regardless, we’ve all heard stories about parents who ultimately don’t like their kid’s personality. This seems to be the case in today’s story, where a family struggles with their eldest, who seems to have a temper that almost crosses the line into bullying.
Read more: Reddit
As a parent, it's your job to love and care for your child, but sometimes it may be hard to actually like them as a person
Image credits: vh-studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
In this family, the daughter is described as being quite mean to those close to her, whether they're relatives or even friends and boyfriends
Image credits: ufabizphoto / Magnific (not the actual photo)
She is apparently quick to anger, makes fun of others, and has a temper, and most of the family tries to avoid confronting her
Image credits: user1236986 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Eventually, wanting some peace and quiet, the mom booked a vacation for herself, her husband, and her two sons, excluding the daughter from their plans
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She felt guilty, but also wanted to fully enjoy her vacation without having to worry about her daughter's inevitable outbursts, and decided not to tell her about it
Today's story comes from the Original Poster, a mother who isn’t sure she made the right call about her eldest daughter. As she explains, she has three children: her two youngest sons, ages 20 and 19, and her oldest daughter, who’s 24. Although she’s separated from her husband, he remains very close to the family, and essentially, they both know their daughter “Laura” is a difficult person.
She recalls that Laura has a quick temper and a foul mouth, and often lashes out over small things. The OP shares that it can sometimes be difficult to get through a family dinner with her daughter because of her mean streak. Apparently, she often targets her two brothers over minor issues, like leaving out a blanket or not washing a pan, but she also seems reactive toward her parents, friends, and even romantic partners.
While the mom says she loves her daughter, she also doesn’t want important life moments ruined by Laura’s moods or attitude. So, she decided to book a trip with her husband and her two sons without inviting Laura. She says that whenever they considered bringing her along, they all “groaned,” believing her demeaning and insulting comments would ruin the vacation.
So, she and the rest of the family essentially decided not to invite her, and also not to tell her about the trip at all. While the mom considered telling her afterward, the sons believed they should keep it a secret out of fear of her reaction and possible retaliation. Ultimately, the mom knows her daughter would love this vacation, but she’d still rather have a peaceful trip than invite her along.
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Now, naturally, Laura’s reactions are extreme, and we could even go as far as to say they may point to a deeper personality issue. Psychologists note that Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often manifests through sudden mood swings and intense behavior. Laura’s tendency to “lash out over small things” fits some of the common BPD traits: intense anger and difficulty controlling one’s temper.
This can create a very difficult family dynamic to navigate, but maybe instead of villainizing Laura, it’s worth looking at the bigger picture. Experts have conducted extensive research into something called “sibling deidentification.” This means Laura may be reacting to a deeply ingrained family dynamic in which she feels left out or overly criticized, triggering a vicious cycle of bad behavior.
This is fairly common in larger families, in fact. But unfortunately, Laura may not be the only one reacting poorly. While most people can understand wanting a peaceful vacation, family professionals suggest that instead of hiding things from a conflict-prone family member, it’s better to establish clear, non-negotiable boundaries, which can lead to a guilt-free trip.
Netizens, for the most part, also agreed that the mom wasn’t necessarily being respectful toward Laura, and many pointed out that she might have mental health issues worth exploring. However, in the comments, the OP mentioned that Laura refused to go to therapy. So, if you were in this woman’s position, would you tell your daughter about the vacation or keep it a secret altogether?
Netizens believe they should have a genuine conversation with the 24-year-old and give her an ultimatum to either control her anger or not join them on the vacation
