Pretty much anyone in a serious relationship knows just how important it is to support your partner. Not just through words but also with deeds! One part of this is finding a way to divide the chores that’s fair, practical, and makes sense for your household.
However, some older folks cling to the idea that it’s a woman’s ‘duty’ to do the chores while the man gets to kick back and do nothing. One anonymous woman told the AITA online community how she kicked her dad out of her house after he shared some pretty sexist comments about how she splits the chores with her partner. Check out the full story below.
Unfortunately, some folks don't understand why it's essential to split the chores in a relationship
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A woman shared how her dad's sexist comments about housework made him an unwelcome guest in her home
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In many relationships, women still do the lion's share of the housework and childcare
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A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center found that even in egalitarian marriages, where both partners earn more or less the same, there’s still in an imbalance in how both people divide the housework and childcare.
“Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the study found.
According to the findings, the only category where men spent more time caregiving than their wives was when the latter were the sole breadwinners in the marriage. However, even in these cases, the amount of time both partners spent on household chores remained equal.
It is fundamental that both partners are on the same page when it comes to things like housework, childcare, finances, and work.
If one or even both people feel like they’ve been given the short end of the stick, then that sense of unfairness is bound to fester. That, in turn, might morph into frustration and anxiety about the future, poisoning the foundations of the relationship.
In short, everyone wants to be admired, respected, loved, and cared for by their partner. If you feel like you’re being exploited (whether for housework or for your wage), it’s hard to trust your significant other.
On the flip side, if you know that your partner sees you as an equal, you genuinely feel like you’re on the same team: playing on the same side instead of against each other. Minor quibbles over things like who gets to do the dishes time around will always happen. But they don’t have to turn into full-blown arguments so long as you remember you’re allies.
Couples need to sit down and figure out how they're going to split the chores in a way that makes sense for them
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During an earlier interview with Bored Panda, relationship coach Alex Scot explained to us that it’s an absolute necessity to divide the chores up. That way, one partner won’t end up feeling like they’re the nanny.
The logical way to do this is to come up with a list of housework tasks that each person enjoys or doesn’t mind doing. For instance, someone might hate vacuuming or dusting, but their partner kind of loves it. So, it would make sense for the second person to take on those tasks.
Similarly, if the first person loves cooking and doesn’t mind washing up the huge pile of dishes they leave in their wake, it’s probably a good idea to let them embrace that.
Of course, there are bound to be chores that both partners detest. That’s natural! In that case, you’ll have to divide them as equally as you can, given your family’s unique context. To put it simply: take turns. And if anything seems not to be working, speak up! Be honest, talk about it. Don’t let your resentment fester. Nobody’s a mind-reader (though that would probably make relationships easier to navigate?).
In this day and age, it’s widespread for both partners to be working. With that in mind, it’s fair that both of them contribute to the housework and childcare. However, if one person works from home all the time or they have shorter hours, it might be fairer that they take on a bit more chores.
Similarly, if someone’s a stay-at-home parent, it might be the practical decision for them to do more than half of the housework and childcare. However, it’s a decision that both partners need to come to together. You probably want to avoid a scenario where one person does most (if not all) of the chores.
And no matter how much cash you bring back home and how much overtime you pull, you hard-working breadwinner, you still need to pitch in with the down-to-earth things like taking out the trash. At the end of the day, nobody should feel like they’re being forced to do an unfair amount of housework while their partner has endless leisure time.
The readers were quick to support the author's decision. Here's their perspective on what happened
