How often do we do something that we regret years and decades later? Probably very often - after all, none of us are perfect. But let's ask ourselves - even if we regret of our past actions, what feeling actually leads us to this repentance?
A clear example of such a situation is this story from the user u/SwordCat_, which we offer to your attention today. Her biological father pretended for a long time that his daughter was not a member of his new family - and only years later, when she was going to get married, he reappeared in her life, supposedly repenting and eager to mend fences with her...
More info: Reddit
The parents of the author of the post divorced during her early childhood because of her dad's infidelity
Image credits: Jesus Arias / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The girl stayed with her mom, but when she got a job offer from abroad, the author had to move in with dad's new family
Image credits: SwordCat_
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Unlike popular fairytale plots, the girl's stepmom turned out to be a kind person, but the dad treated her poorly
Image credits: SwordCat_
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man always showed the daughter she was not part of his family, and always put her half-brother over her
Image credits: SwordCat_
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So when the girl turned 18, she had a fight with dad over him being too unfair to her, and he literally kicked her out
Image credits: SwordCat_
Almost a decade has passed since then and the dad suddenly appeared with apologies, willing to walk her down the aisle - but to no avail
So, the Original Poster (OP) is now 28 years old, and she is getting married soon. According to the bride's decision, she will be walked down the aisle by her stepdad, who remarried her mother years ago, and who in fact never made a distinction between her and his bio daughters. Unlike, unfortunately, the author's own father...
When the OP was 6 years old, her parents divorced because her dad cheated on her mom with another woman and, after some time, married her. At first, our heroine lived with her mom, but then, when she was offered a good job in IT abroad, the girl had to move in with her father - who by that time had already had another child with his new wife, the OP's half-brother Jake.
And these years of living with her father (all this time the mom regularly sent money for the daughter's accommodation, while simultaneously saving for her education too) became a real tough test for the girl. After all, her own dad strongly considered her 'superfluous' in the house, calling only his new wife and Jake his real family.
The stepmom turned out to be a good person - she treated the author well, but her dad was too controlling and domineering. He never missed a chance to show his daughter that she was practically a stranger there, and even when the family went to Disneyland for Jake's 6th birthday, the OP had to stay home. And then, four years later, a family trip to Europe, in the dad's opinion, again didn't imply the participation of his daughter...
Our heroine couldn't help telling the father all her offenses that had accumulated over the years, but in response, he only called her ungrateful and spoiled. And when she continued to protest, he simply kicked her out of the house. The girl found shelter at her friend's place until her mom and stepdad arrived - and since then, the author has cut all ties with this man, effectively erasing him from her life.
Years later, having found herself a good job and a decent partner in life, she suddenly received a message from her father on Instagram. He wrote that he regretted his actions ten years ago, would like to mend fences with the daughter, and would be happy to even pay for her wedding. And, probably, to walk her down the aisle.
To this, our heroine replied that she would be led to the altar by a truly worthy man - her stepdad. She didn't want to negotiate with a person who so easily broke all ties with her, and for many years showed blatant negligence towards her. After that, she blocked her father.
And, although he hasn't written to her again, now the woman muses whether she did the right thing, and how sincere her father actually was in his repentance.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, such situations happen in life quite often - when a person tries to "start life from scratch", while leaving literally everything behind, and even their own children. "In any case, you should take responsibility for your child - even if you have a bad relationship with your ex," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this case. "In the end, the child is not to blame for the very fact that the adults didn't get along."
"This man has been behaving inappropriately for many years and, by and large, he got what he deserved. Unfortunately, this often happens - when a parent starts regretting 'the lost time' only when the child becomes an adult, and when close, family relationships are needed more by the parent themselves than by the child."
"In any case, this woman did absolutely the right thing. She has people who love and respect her, who need her here and now. If she feels remorse about her father's repentance, she can actually DM him that she forgives him. But nothing more. Everything else must be earned with years and years," Maria summarizes.
Some commenters on the original post didn't hold back at all in their expressions about the author's father and their assessment of his behavior. If we maintain censorship limits, then people are simply outraged by the way this guy allowed himself to behave. And almost no one believes in the sincerity of his repentance. "He just wants to satisfy his ego. He feels that he is entitled to the role of father of the bride," someone aptly noted.
In any case, the original poster got it right, and the responders are calling on her to stay adamant here. "He regrets disowning you, that’s not your problem. You get to decide who’s in your life, you get to decide who’s at your wedding," another person in the comments claimed. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this opinion? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
People in the comments sided with the author in the fullest, reasonably suspecting her bio dad of being not sincere here
