Sometimes, in order to be a good parent, you have to make tough decisions. For example, kicking out a person you spent the last several years with just because they're not good for your kid. Just as this woman did -- she kicked out her fiancé after he decided to physically punish her daughter even though they agreed to never do that, as the woman grew up physically disciplined, and it messed her up. Well, maybe her love life isn't thriving, but at least she's a thoughtful parent, right?
More info: Reddit
What would you do if your partner completely dismissed your input on how to discipline your kid?
Image credits: Omar Lopez (not the actual photo)
When the author's daughter misbehaved, she decided to take away her iPad for a while as a punishment, which caused the girl to storm out
Later, when the woman heard her daughter screaming in pain, she found her fiance standing in her room with a belt in his hands
Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)
The woman was angry, as she had told him never to physically punish the girl, so doing that disrespected her
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Amazing_Bug2565
When the daughter opened up about being afraid of her mom's fiancé, the woman kicked him out without any hesitation
The post’s author has a 10-year-old daughter whose father passed away when she was 3. When the girl was 8, the OP moved in with her fiancé (now her ex, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves), and they used to get along very well.
Of course, when the moving-in was happening, the woman set ground rules about discipline for her daughter, and one of the most important rules was no physical punishment. It came from the fact that the OP grew up with a parent who used physical discipline, which made her fearful of them, and she didn’t want her child to endure that.
Now, the situation in which the woman's fiancé became her ex started when the daughter snuck out her iPad to use during class. When the OP learned about it, she banned the girl from using the tablet for a little while. This caused the girl to run upstairs, slam the door, and scream.
But it didn’t end there. A bit later, the woman heard her daughter screaming differently than before. This time, it sounded more like she was in pain. So, the OP ran upstairs and saw her fiancé with a belt in his hand and the daughter crying in the corner.
It’s no surprise that the woman wondered why he decided to beat her after they agreed that it wasn’t a proper way of disciplining. Well, according to him, the girl was disrespectful by slamming the doors and screaming, so he took matters into his own hands, as non-physical discipline didn’t work.
This angered the woman, who believed that a 10-year-old is allowed to have emotions and not have them beaten out of her. And when the girl revealed that she was afraid of the mom’s fiancé, the woman ended the relationship without any hesitation.
Sadly, the man and the OP’s parents didn’t see this as a proper reason to end their relationship and called her overdramatic. The only person (besides, likely, her daughter) who agreed with the action was the woman’s sister, who also experienced physical discipline from their parents growing up and knew how bad it can be.
Well, after the woman posted the story to the subreddit, she quickly gathered more people who supported the way she handled the situation. People in the comments praised her for standing up to her principles and looking out for her daughter, even if that meant letting go of her fiancé. And it’s not only the principles thing but also the fact that a kid shouldn’t be disciplined physically, just as some folks pointed out, which is proven by scientists.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
And they’re not wrong for saying that. Many studies have proven that any type of physical punishment can increase a child's aggression, antisocial behavior, and other mental health problems, and it can also cause physical injury. While, yes, it might stop the child from misbehaving at that very moment -- in the long term, it will only feed the mentioned problems.
Besides, physical discipline is viewed as a violation of children’s human rights or, more specifically, their right to protection from all forms of violence while in the care of their caregivers.
- Giving them a time out to cool down from a tantrum;
- Taking away certain privileges for a period of time (which was the woman from the story's original discipline plan);
- Teaching them to control their emotions;
- Praising good behavior.
Of course, these are just a few options. There are many more of them out there. And not only do these options not include any physical punishment, but they are even proven to be more effective, as their results have more longevity and cause less harm to a child’s behavior.
This further proves how right the mom from the story was to not tolerate her daughter being punished in a harmful and ineffective way. What’s sad about it was that, due to the incident, she had to lose a person she was committed to spending her life with. Or, on the other hand, maybe she dodged a bullet just in time.
Internet folks fully supported the woman's decision, praising her for having properly working mom instincts
