Let’s be real: while getting engaged to the love of your life is one of the best things you can do, it comes with future in-laws you might not always see eye-to-eye with. This can lead to some, how should we put it, less-than-ideal situations.
One woman turned to an online community to vent after her future mother-in-law kept planning family events for her working weekends. Now she’s wondering if telling her fiancé she won’t be going to them anymore makes her a jerk.
More info: Reddit
As much as you love your partner, getting on with their parents might not always be the easiest thing to do
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman’s future mother-in-law kept planning important family events on the weekends she would be working, despite knowing her hectic work schedule
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman thought it was a coincidence, but when another yet event was planned, her future mother-in-law told her fiancé she guessed work just came first for some people
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Annoyed that this was happening yet again, the woman put her foot down and told her fiancé she wouldn’t be rearranging her life to suit his mom’s whims anymore
Image credits: South_Olive291
Her fiancé told her she was being dramatic and that his mom didn’t mean anything by it, so now she’s turned to netizens to ask if refusing to go to these events makes her a jerk
The original poster (OP,) a vet tech from Adelaide, says her future mother-in-law has perfected the art of weaponized scheduling. For nearly six months, every “important family event” mysteriously lands on the exact weekends she works, despite her fiancé sending his mom her roster.
Birthday dinners, engagement parties, anniversaries; each one somehow planned precisely when OP was stuck on shift. The final straw came when her fiancé’s mom organized an early Christmas lunch on yet another work weekend, shrugging that invites were already sent. For OP, the pattern feels impossible to ignore, especially because the retired future mother-in-law could choose literally any other day.
Her fiancé insists his mom “doesn’t mean anything by it” and has urged her to swap more shifts, but she’s stretched thin. Weekend rates keep their wedding fund alive, and her coworkers are tired of covering for her. She’s reached a breaking point and has refused to keep rearranging her life to accommodate someone who won’t compromise.
Now she’s wondering if putting her foot down makes her the villain or simply someone tired of being sidelined. To OP, the pattern looks intentional; to her fiancé, it's a harmless coincidence. With her wedding looming and tension rising, she’s now turned to netizens to ask if sticking to her boundaries would make her a jerk.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, it does seem like her future mother-in-law has ulterior motives. Why else would she insist on messing with her schedule? It doesn’t exactly bode well for their future together. So, what’s up with mothers becoming mothers-in-law? And what can OP do to build a better relationship with hers? We went digging for answers.
According to author Laura Hill, there’s an emotional shift, also known as the mother-in-law shift, where you go from being a mom to a mother-in-law. When your son or daughter marries, you don’t stop being their mother, but your role starts to evolve. Hill says that’s healthy and normal but can also start to feel like a bit of rejection, or loss. Perhaps that’s what OP’s fiancé’s mom is starting to go through?
The folks over at Calm explain that few relationships are trickier than the one you have with your mother-in-law. In many instances, it can feel like crossing an emotional tightrope. It’s not always because someone is doing anything wrong, it can just be tough to become part of a family with decades of deeply established family roles.
If you’re not in a great place with your mother-in-law, that’s okay. Aim for neutrality if things are currently less-than-ideal. Other useful tips to create a better relationship include finding a little common ground, letting your partner take the wheel sometimes, and managing her expectations.
Considering OP is about to seal the deal with her fiancé, now would probably be the best time to start gently bonding with his mom. After all, they’re about to become family, and that’s what matters most. What’s your take? Do you think OP is being paranoid, or is the old woman out of line? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed that the woman was not being a jerk and said her future husband needs to grow a spine before the wedding or there’d just be more drama
